More Nerve Than Sense

Bobby Tillman

2010-11-08T19:05:00.000-08:00

Today, the friends and family of 18 year old Bobby Tillman are grieving over his senseless and tragic death. I too share in the grief and can't imagine what his mother must be enduring. The AJC reports that Bobby Tillman, who had just graduated from high school, coached youth basketball and planned a career in sports management. He reminds me a great deal of my brother and his photographs and physical similarities suggest we could have most certainly shared kinship. Fair skin, small frame, gray eyes. This young man was simply engaging in an activity common among those his age. He was not at a club, he went to a house party and there in the drive-way of the home, he lost his life to a bunch of hoodlums who don't deserve to share oxygen with the rest of us.
What possessed these punks to beat another human being? What justification is there for such brutality? Why did none of the nearly 60 onlookers intervene? What kind of parents must the other boys have for their children to be so disconnected from the value of life?

I am deeply troubled by this incident. I like to think that most people would act with integrity and stare evil in the eyes with courage and the vow to defeat it. Those boys are evil and yet it seems no one intervened. In PSYCH 310, we learned about a similar case, the case of Kitty Genovese which resulted in much research and reporting of The Bystander Effect. Of three dozen witnesses to her murder, no one intervened. In psychology, this occurs due to a transference of responsibility--the idea that someone else will intervene, someone else will act with courage and integrity. What if Malcolm, Frederick Douglas, Thomas Jefferson, and others waited or depended upon someone else to do what was necessary to defeat evil?

In the words of Edmund Burke, "All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Sunday morning, evil triumphed and a mother is burying her son.

Taking Offense...

2010-08-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

I find it really ironic, no actually, I find it a marvelous demonstration of hypocrisy for those who proclaim love of the Constitution and decry excessive government involvement to take such grave offense to the construction of an Islamic Cultural Center and Mosque near Ground Zero. Mike Luckovich, editorial cartoonist for the Atlanta Journal Constitution, has provided wonderful perspective on this issue in both his 8/18 illustration and his 8/13 one. This pseudo hysteria is both sad and alarming. It demonstrates the lack of integrity and rational thinking that is now pervasive within American culture. Of course a minority group within the opponents of the structure continues to say this is not about the center’s legal right to be there, but rather is about the offense of it. Yet, we all know their goal is to have their offense reign supreme and result in construction plans being canceled. In the US, we enjoy significant freedoms because we perpetually pay a tremendous personal price of respecting the freedom of others even when we find their exercise of said right an egregious offense.

In his 8/19/10 Forbes editorial, Warren Meyer writes a wonderfully objective article about the issue. I concur with him and admire his integrity. This is less about offense and more about those offended respecting both their freedom and the freedom of those by whom they allege to be offended. I am deeply offended by the sagging pants that adorn the male youth of today. I am even more offended by poor grammar, particularly by the incorrect use of reflexive pronouns, an error President Obama has committed. Yet, I would not protest outside of the White House that he should no longer be allowed to speak or that he be levied a fine. Nor would I petition state legislatures to bring forth legislation making such an offense a misdemeanor. First, it is an assault on the very freedom that I am exercising by declaring my offense. Second, it is an enormous waste of time and energy when we certainly have bigger fish to fry. The irony in it all is that the very people who want the offense to their sensibilities addressed are some of the very people who say blacks are too easily offended by matters of race. Pot is that you? It is I, Kettle!

Apple Fanboys

2010-07-23T15:39:00.000-07:00

Apple Fanboys are the most annoying group of droids (pun intended) since Jonestown. They take any and every criticism of Apple and their dear leader, Kim Jong-il—eh em, Steve Jobs. Apple fanboys are rabid in their response to any and all criticisms of Apple products. It is utterly impossible for one of them to accept any fault in the business practices, much less the products marketed and designed by Apple (I won’t even get into the suicides at the manufacturing factory where the products are made).

First, Apple designs some great products that are visually appealing and enable the creatively inclined to bring wonders to life much more easily than a MS operating system ever has. With that said, everyone makes mistakes, just as Toyota. I have an IPhone 3G and it works well. I experience dropped calls in two areas on the same street each and every time I drive through there, but I know this is an issue with AT&T. I do not own an IPhone 4, but I’ve followed the issues with the antenna design. From the anecdotal responses by fanboys to these stories, one would believe these incidents are only isolated to four or five people even though Apple acknowledges otherwise.

I do not begrudge those who have chosen to purchase the IPhone 4 in spite of the apparent flaws with the antennae. It is a great product otherwise. I find it really sad and disappointing that Apple and its fanboys are unwilling to accept criticism and instead act like ungrateful adolescents. The truth is, it was insulting to tell customers they are holding the phone wrong; it was juvenile to later acknowledge problems only to point the finger at other smartphone makers; it is absolutely inane for fanboys to support Apple’s tacit stance of return the product for “more deserving” consumers—as one fanboy so eloquently commented on Forbes. This is an issue of operating a business with integrity which involves apologies when something—albeit beyond the control of the company—goes wrong. Apple has essentially said some people are too stupid and gullible to own or use its products. The company is right; its fanboys are too gullible to be critical and walk away if necessary from a product while perhaps not inferior by market standards, is inferior by the standards the company itself has set.

If I visit my favorite five star restaurant and during this visit receive sea bass that is less than perfection and even worse, over-cooked, I would be appalled if the owner responds to my concern with “I ate the fish wrong.” Further, such a response would make me wonder if the five star reputation is well earned. For fanboys to defend such uncouth behavior is disconcerting to say the least. It is setting the stage for Apple to become the next Microsoft—heaping inferior products onto the market simply because idiot consumers don’t know they hold the power in a capitalist economy.

Apple demonstrates American arrogance and hypocrisy--unwilling to be criticized because of prior triumphs in excellence and unfortunately taking on the persona of those whom they previously criticized and defeated for acts of tyranny. When Toyota was the center of media attention for alleged sticking accelerators, the company president was contrite and pledged to resolve the issue the issue following an investigation. It is apparently a cultural thing, and this is one culture that has no shame.

A smartphone that doesn’t work well as a phone isn’t very smart.

A Moment of Silence

2010-07-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

This entire Shirley Sherrod snafu demonstrates live and in living color how true my grandfather’s words were: “The less you say, the less you have to take back.” Now this is applicable to all parties involved, but is most applicable to President Obama. If I could only get this man to close his mouth. I so tire of seeing his or Press Secretary Gibbs daily press conferences. I don’t need to see you to know that you are doing your job. Whatever happened to no comment? President Obama could certainly learn from his predecessor in answering only what he deems necessary and nothing else. By responding to any and everyone’s criticisms, he is rendering himself not only unlikeable, but also impotent.

For the three of you who may be unfamiliar with this situation, an edited You Tube video (that’s right, everyone knows how credible You Tube is) suggested that former USDA official, Shirley Sherrod, discriminated against a white farmer. Ms. Sherrod defended herself against the video and claims of pundit, Bill O’Reilly and it was later revealed, along with the rest of the video, that she was sharing an experience that taught her the value of integrity. Within the video going “viral” and the truth of the matter, Ms. Sherrod was forced to resign, allegedly at the request of the White House.

The irony in all of this is that Bill O’Reilly, who was the first person to publicly scold Ms. Sherrod and call for her termination, has remained relatively unscathed though he is just as culpable in this hoopla as is the president. Nevertheless, I find error in the fact that President Obama has even dignified any of this insanity with a response. Why he insists upon responding to attacks and fake outrage is beyond me. The nation remains as polarized as it was in 1996. Attempting to appease both sides only adds rocket fuel laced with hydrogen to the fire. Mr. President, please for the sake of all of us who simply want to keep it moving, be quiet.

King James The Abolitionist

2010-07-13T16:54:00.000-07:00

Much has been said about Lebron James' decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers for the Miami Heat. The media would like to make more of the way in which his decision was broadcast a much larger issue than it really is. Even the NBA commissioner David Stern has called Lebron James' "The Decision", "ill conceived."

I for one (of millions) find Jesse Jackson unnerving, opportunistic, and a supercilious, obnoxious, idiot; but am inclined, much to my surprise, to agree with him on Dan Gilbert's response to Lebron James' departure. This is, in fact, no different than Katie Couric leaving the Today Show or Meredith Viera leaving the View. However, in culture, in the understood relationship of athlete and team owner, it is very different. Lebron has usurped control from Dan Gilbert and David Stern. He has stepped forward as a man and stood for his freedom and Dan Gilbert responded like a slave master or perhaps a jilted lover. Hell hath no fury and the hunt knows no better hunter than a slave owner scorned.

Upon reading the initial response of David Stern, I was at first hopeful because he iterated that Mr. James had fulfilled his contractual obligations. As I continued to read, Stern also demonstrated slave master mentality or at the very least hypocrisy in saying that Mr. James' broadcast of "The Decision" was ill conceived. So in essence, he is saying that this man, making a manly decision and making some of the money, to donate to the Boys & Girls Club no less, that would have otherwise been retained by ESPN and the NBA solely, was ill conceived. What hypocrisy! Each year, David Stern, and the NBA broadcasts their decisions of whom to draft to what team. How is this any different? Other than it being the slave, eh em, player taking control of the situation and assuming the role of the NBA, there is none.

I applaud Mr. James, that is right, Mr. James for such a business minded and philanthropic move. It was courageous and very respectable. Other players are more content to be pawns and mockeries than to step forward as men. Mr. James decided he would no longer be just Lebron or the so-called "self-proclaimed king." He demonstrated that he has truly earned that name and commanded respect obviously not truly bestowed upon him by Dan Gilbert (a man who has made his fortune through sub-prime lending as owner of Quicken Loans). Get over yourself Dan Gilbert, there are still plenty of other slaves on your plantation and many more who would jump at the opportunity to be one of your slaves. Mr. James chooses greener pastures and perhaps he'll be allowed in the house this time.

Arizona Immigration Law SB 1070

2010-04-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

Goldman Sachs is the target of Congressional hearings for its alleged role in the financial meltdown of 2008, the TEA Party demanding reduced spending and smaller government--and Arizona has stolen the thunder from all with its new immigration legislation--SB 1070. Just as this bill was being signed into law, I was watching an episode of 30 Days in which a Minuteman spent 30 days living with an illegal immigrant family of seven.

In the episode, the minuteman, a Cuban immigrant himself, visited the Mexican hometown of the family--in all its abject poverty. It truly was a sad situation. Yet there are millions of other sad and sadder situations throughout the world. My daughter, who is extremely compassionate, expressed her deepest sympathy and support of the family taking the trek to and living within the borders of the US illegally. She asked me what I thought about it. I explained to her that while I am certainly sympathetic to the plight of that family and others in situations like that, I do not condone their presence here illegally. I explained that there are legal means of immigrating here. Moreover, there are thousands of people in line who have gone through the proper channels. She still insisted that what they had done was okay. I love and admire her for such independence of thought.

I provided my daughter with this analogy. What that family has done is essentially walked into the home of someone else as a stowaway so to speak. I asked my daughter if it would be okay for us to go into the basement of a home in Buckhead and live there in secrecy below the family that owns or has rightful claim to that home because we found this home to be better than ours. If we were to do that, I explained, the family owning that home could and in all likelihood would have us arrested and removed. As they should. There are homes and neighborhoods all across metro Atlanta that I would love to call mine. Some that might offer much better schools and opportunities than my current place of residence. Nonetheless, I am choosing the legal means of living there. If illegal immigrants are granted amnesty, what of all those who are going through the legal process of citizenship? What are we really encouraging here? Are drug dealers excused of their crimes simply because they are looking for a better life for their family?

If they are given citizenship after illegally coming and residing here, I'm on my way to Buckhead to claim my house and I'll request amnesty. Sure, it may be a private property, but let's go all out.

The Problem Without the Public Option

2010-03-24T16:14:00.000-07:00

To understand why so many were fervently against the removal of the now notorious public option, hindsight is the best teacher. The worst part of the new health care legislation is its mandate to purchase insurance or face financial penalty. Insurance mandates in and of themselves are nothing new. States mandate at a minimum liability insurance on vehicles because the use of vehicles carries inherent risk. Homeowners’ insurance is also mandated, again because of the inherent risk—not necessarily for the owner/occupants, but for the mortgage holders and in some ways communities. From a public health perspective, which should really be the primary perspective in controlling and reducing health care costs, risk protection strategies and mandates are necessary and long overdue in the US.
When someone without insurance exhibits risky behavior through poor diet, sedentary lifestyle, reckless motorcycle use, or heck let’s face it just living within our crime ridden nation, and they visit the emergency room instead of seeking care from a primary or urgent care facility, the public pays dearly. The government already pays the tab on 42% of health care costs, anticipated to reach 50% within a year without reform. So something had to be done. In the US we practice curative care or care after the fact of disease or chronic condition onset. Other nations with healthy universal coverage systems devote more resources to preventive care and spend a smaller percentage of their national budgets on health care. Because we invest very little and have no comprehensive or organized system to incentivize preventive care, we pay the cost in much more expensive curative care.
The public option as part of the current legislation would have worked to curb costs in the long run more effectively than the legislation that passed because it would have modeled successful systems in other nations which provide public universal coverage with options to purchase additional private insurance for perks like private rooms (in the US we don’t like being told to share, we believe that passive sharing through checkbooks is enough). With the public option, the insurance mandates would not have been the burden that they are likely to become. However, the insurance industry flexed some muscle and in this capitalist economy cried “unfair”. Well, life isn’t fair, but opportunity should be equal. Capitalism in the US requires entities to compete among both public and private. The Germans manage a successful universal system with a much older population and are much happier than with it, spending quite a bit less than we do. Of course the propaganda machines rarely if ever mention Germany or Japan; only Canada and the UK are mentioned usually with only anecdotal references.
To understand this, one must examine cultural differences, a lengthy examination no doubt, but the nuts and bolts of it are that the US is a staunchly individualistic society that prides itself on individual achievements over collective ones intra-nationally. Collective achievements are only lauded internationally. Is the reform an expensive endeavor? Yes. The debt was already on pace to be catastrophic and would have cut into defense and capital projects budgets without reform sooner than it will now. The insurance mandate without the public option is a bad idea, but with our pay per procedure (capitalist) medical system, we will be paying through our you know whats anyway. Rationing already occurs in the fact that those with less money and little to no insurance do not receive the same level of care as those with good insurance and/or money. Moreover, the public option along with mandates or incentives to reduce or eliminate the practice of pay per procedure, would effectively reduce costs in the long run.

Health Care Reform 2010

2010-03-24T16:10:00.000-07:00

It has taken me some time to compose a coherent response to the passage of the Health Care Reform Bill, not because I oppose it, because I’m befuddled at and ashamed of the behavior of its detractors. The similarities between the current response and the responses of a significant number of citizens and legislators from the period of Reconstruction through and even after the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 are disconcerting if not frightening. Before some of you decry “race card”, please continue to read. It was Rush Limbaugh who first publicly coined the bill as the “new Civil Rights Bill” and “reparations” and thanks to his and his comrades’ spewing of such propaganda, the public is responding accordingly. Dr. King, Presidents Kennedy, and Johnson were accused of communism and socialism just as President Obama, Senators Pelosi, and Reid are today. This is not coincidental for it foments the creation of the most powerful barrier to thinking and change: fear.
Today, there is certainly an element of race involved as minorities, particularly those of African descent are often associated with poverty and consequently welfare. Because this bill is an entitlement policy, deemed by those on the right as wealth redistribution (a nice way of saying the government is playing Robin Hood—robbing the rich to give to the poor. This does not mention how the impoverished are often robbed of opportunities and disenfranchised by policies designed to assist the wealthy in maintaining most of their wealth through tax shelters and off shore accounts, but I digress). I am not saying that the wealthy are exclusively greedy and undeserving, nor am I saying the poor are exclusively downtrodden and deserving. I am only stating the obvious which is that separate and unequal still exists and it is a matter of class and not simply race. However, separate and unequal is a fundamental component within capitalism. It must be. There can be no pursuit and attainment of wealth and the upper echelons of society without there being lower and middle classes. If all was equal, there would be nothing for which to strive. Again, I digress.
Since when did it become appropriate to spit at legislators or anyone for that matter because you disagree with their politics? Scream xenophobic epithets at them? Accuse them of treason? The law has been followed even with the strong arm tactics employed. Many want to make an issue of the division 219 to 212. This is still a majority, albeit a slim one, similar in fact to the slim majority that elected Bush in 2000. Democrats were incensed, particularly following a Supreme Court ruling which solidified the Electoral College’s decision. Nonetheless, the law was followed and the judicial branch, as it is designed to do, ruled on the legality of the decision. Such is the case here. The law has been followed. The bill has been passed by a slim margin. President Bush was elected by a slim margin. The best thing the country can do is get over both decisions and make the best of them.
I do not agree with everything in the bill, particularly mandatory purchase of insurance without a public option (which is the “backroom deal” everyone should be angry about—a topic for a later blog). There are always going to be obstacles to progression. After reconstruction, many states passed Jim Crow Laws to obstruct the 14th and 15th Amendments effectively nullifying the 13th Amendment all the while proclaiming the supremacy of states’ rights. Citizens spat on and protested the Little Rock Nine—black school children who were simply following federal law desegregating schools. The people angry about the Health Care Reform Bill are acting the same. It is truly a shame. This is exactly the level of anarchy the republicans seem to have desired for if it were not, they would have actively participated in the design and composition of the bill instead of the hatemongering they exhibited. LBJ and Senator Dirksen (ironically from IL) had to strong arm Congress to pass the Civil Rights Bill of 1964 with a vote of 290 to 130. Does this mean that since 130 (44.8%) voted against the bill, that it should be repealed? Some of the pundits today would have you believe so. This is not a popularity contest. Lincoln made an unpopular move to sign the Emancipation Proclamation; Kennedy, Johnson, and Dirksen made similar moves and usurped states’ rights and even some private rights to provide equality for all citizens.

NCLB Striving to be Average

2010-03-02T14:24:00.000-08:00

No Child Left Behind is really a misnomer. The federal initiative is perhaps more appropriately termed, Every Child Average, Set the Bar Lower, or Teach to the Test and Forget Substantive Learning—the latter was probably too long and not catchy enough.

I’m not too far removed from grade school education; I graduated from high school in the late 90s. When I was in elementary, there were two required tests: The California Achievement Test (yes, I know, who would want to live up to CA’s less than lofty standards?) and the Stanford Achievement Test. Today, we have state developed/approved and state specific tests. PBS provides great descriptions of how these state tests are different from achievement tests. At the rudimentary level—which let’s face it, is the most important—achievement tests measure content knowledge; criterion referencing tests (i.e. NCLB state tests) measure students against state set benchmarks or acceptable ranges. In other words, achievement tests measure how well or poorly students are learning or mastering concepts; criterion referencing tests simply make sure that children are at least average or on par with state minimum standards. Understanding these fundamental differences provides insight as to how and why instructors have abandoned teaching concepts which are applicable across a broad range of subjects and life for teaching test taking 101.

I am neither staunchly for nor against standardized tests. What I am against are benchmark tests which are means of testing only for the sake of testing. I am averse to multiple choice and true/false tests as they are lazy means of measurement, but I understand the need for them especially in an effort to glean insight. These tests should not be used as the primary means of making determinations of admission or advancement, nonetheless. Further, studies have demonstrated that gifted children have difficulty with multiple choice tests because of their ability to make connections to broader concepts and inability to diminish concepts to the smaller framework/parameters allowed in multiple choice.

I recall one of my best and hardest working teachers deplored the use of multiple choice—Mrs. Barksdale. For our weekly vocabulary tests, we were required to write the meaning of each word or if given the meaning, provide the word—no multiple choice. Her goal was mastery, the enhancement of vocabulary and ultimately our knowledge. This should be our collective strife, mastery of concepts, not a race of whom can be the best of the worst.

Backwards Georgia

2010-03-02T14:21:00.000-08:00

To be clear, I am not a native Georgian. This is certainly evident by my regular use of sentences with subject verb agreement, my use of the helping verb “have” with its appropriate main verb to make the perfect tense, and my lack of Appalachian twang. Until last night, I thought Georgians' lack of command of the English language was due to some genetic predisposition or the mountain air.

I have children in grade school who are required by the State of Georgia to complete the Criterion-Referenced Competency Tests (CRCT) annually. Allegedly, this grade specific test is used to assess students’ grasp of standardized curricula and the quality of Georgia education. Well Georgia, you deserve a D-. From October through April, each teacher in Georgia, instead of teaching fundamental concepts (which I thought was the purpose of educational institutions), teach methods of getting passing scores on the CRCT because school funding and teacher assignment may be significantly based upon the results. So each week, my children receive worksheets designed with questions which are likely to be on the CRCT. Imagine my sheer disappointment and outright anger when one of my children’s worksheet packets had five egregious errors. These were not printing errors, rather grammatical errors. Might one please explain to me how an instructional device is fundamentally flawed in its purpose and execution—comprised of errors pertaining to the very concepts and topics of instruction? Here are the egregious errors:

EX 1

That is the funniest movie I ever ______.

A. saw

B. seed

C. seen

In the above example there is no option which provides for completing the sentence with the verb having the appropriate tense. The sentence should be changed to read, “That was the funniest movie I ever_____” or the choice C should be changed to have seen.

There is another question which appears to be either an algebraic equation or a simple addition problem. However, there are no instructions even though each of the prior and subsequent problems have specific directions.

EX 2

87 + 42=

F. 129 – 42

G. 42+87

H. 42-87

I. 87+129

I’m guessing the purpose of this question is to demonstrate that number arrangement in addition is of no consequence to the sum?? This is a guess, nonetheless, something I should have to do before I even begin to work the problem.

Finally, each of the three fraction questions was structured with subject verb disagreement. I’ll provide you with one example.

EX 3

What fraction of the balloons are shaded?

Even as I type this, MS Word recognizes the error. Perhaps the authors and editors of the worksheet use typewriters. This is a really simple concept. Fraction is the singular subject and therefore takes a singular verb which in this case should have been is. The phrase, “of the balloons” is the prepositional phrase and it does not change the number of the subject or the verb.

I shared this with my mother who replied, “Wow, so do they teach the same way they speak in Georgia?”

Apparently so.

Holyfield's Holy Beating for god

2010-02-15T18:57:00.000-08:00

First, please someone riddle for me exactly why it is that people feel so compelled to tithe? Now, on to the story. Allegedly, Evander Holyfield attacked his wife last week for not producing proof of tithes for him. Just when I thought it couldn't get funnier...Mrs. Holyfield says that he demonstrated sorrow when he saw what he had done to her face. Wow, ungodliness for god! Of course this is nothing new, the hypocrisy that is.

It never ceases to amaze me how far people will go in the name of god. To avoid ridicule perhaps, Holyfield wanted to ensure that payments to the church were made regularly. It is sad, that he deemed a financial payment to a church was more important than respecting his wife. Unfortunately, so many share such thoughts. There are many people in dire straits who will continue to tithe while their homes enter foreclosure, utilities are disconnected, and car insurance coverage lapses. Again, will someone please explain that to me? Better still, I'm glad I do not understand it.

While people continue to tithe thoughtlessly with the apparent hopes that their tithing will result in blessings, homelessness rises in the very communities with churches on every corner, drug use is rampant, and of course crime has become the norm. Yet, the sheep continue to tithe. Blacks are especially prone to tithing mindlessly and yet have the worst outcomes of any demographic for every measure. Research has demonstrated that the cheerfullest of givers are the uneducated hoping for blessings in return. Thus, the church is used as some kind of holy lottery (no wonder religious organizations so vehemently oppose legalized gambling). The Holyfield incident clearly highlights the obvious paradox of organized religion. Regardless of good deeds and faith, there is a price for admission. Why do few question this? If Xians believe as they claim that Jehovah is the creator and ruler of all, then what need would he have for money? Further, how do they know the dollar is his currency of choice? Wouldn't he prefer the euro?

Please don't misunderstand. I am not discouraging tithing in the form of time and devotion to improving communities in which churches exist, for that is what I believe tithing is. It is a travesty and in fact grand larceny to rob communities of much needed resources without contributing anything positive. The state of the black community and the black family clearly demonstrate this to be an active practice among black churches in particular and in general. Holyfield beats his wife for not producing proof of their monetary tithes. Had he been truly tithing with her then his faith would be in tact and there would be no reason for proof. So now the real question--is the church an accessory in this beating?

Tebow, CBS, and Choice

2010-01-28T18:01:00.000-08:00

Now, I make no bones and certainly no apologies about being staunchly pro-life without exception. Therefore, it is with little irony that I weigh in on the Tebow Super Bowl advertisement controversy. First, as usual, the always complaining and nagging feminist groups are making much ado about nothing. These groups which claim to be "pro-choice" are revealing their true colors. They are barking, petitioning, and whining, "no fair" because CBS has accepted an advertisement from the Xian conservative group Focus on the Family. The feminists would like to deny this group their First Amendment Rights in favor of a right to privacy and a freedom of choice they say without even having seen the commercial. Further, these groups say that CBS is violating its policy of not airing commercials from advocacy groups during the Super Bowl, and I must admit until CBS recently changed this policy they had grounds of merit, that is if that were their real reason for opposing it. I have a great deal of difficulty believing that.

I do believe, as NPR suggested, that CBS isn't so much supporting one ideology or another as much as they are supporting revenue. It is no secret that the cost of airing a 30 second spot has been lowered this year as the country's economic troubles continue. Even more important, however, is that television networks have made no secret of their favor for money over integrity or even morality. Now this is where the feminist groups NOW, NARAL, and any of the other ones should be able to relate to the CBS decision. They are in fact getting a great dose of their very own hypocritical medicine. These same groups attacked Palin for being the very kind of woman they allege represents the pinnacle of achievement in women's rights and in this case these same groups oppose an ad which demonstrates a woman exercising choice over her reproductive rights. Nonetheless, these hypocrites don't want the exercise of reproductive rights to include reproduction. Now isn't that ironic?

Despite the "medical advice" given to Palin and Tebow, these women chose to respect their unborn children and give them life, apparently much to the dismay of NOW, NARAL, and other feminists. Feminists, please get over yourselves. This ad demonstrates exactly what you claim to advocate which is choice. Because the choice happens to be life and how precious it truly is, you have a problem with that? Now that is hypocrisy. CBS is only demonstrating the same double standards that are fundamental to your ideology. I implore you to create your version of a pro-choice commercial. Perhaps one of you will come forward in the commercial and confess to choosing to abort a baby. I mean since it is only a choice regarding only your body and your reproductive rights, of what do you have to be ashamed?

Terrorizing Our Way Out of the Recession

2010-01-28T17:12:00.000-08:00

If you think terror or the war on it isn't about the almighty dollar, then you have another thing coming. Psychologists have long studied fear and determined it to be a powerful motivator. People try harder fearing failure, stay in unhappy marriages fearing loneliness, fear challenging superiors for losing opportunities for advancement, fear rabid animals for preservation of life...and so on and so forth. Some fear is primal, part of evolution, necessary for survival and in those cases fear can be good and necessary for survival. However, in many more instances, fear is not a good thing for in psychology it does not fall upon the list of motivators, rather the list of barriers. Fear discourages. Fear deters. Fear ultimately prohibits, functioning according to its nature as a barrier.

During a recent trip, while waiting in a very long line awaiting the ever so delightful transportation security administration screening, I noticed an advertisement in the bottom of one of the screening bins--yes an advertisement. Now isn't that something? These bins are supposed to be used to assist in the screening process. Specifically, these bins are supposed to enable screeners to determine whether a passenger has contraband within his or her carry on luggage. Why are they now also being used to advertise products and services?

Please don't think the bins are the first or the last airline travel related items to receive a "boost" from terrorism. Airport restaurants and other vendors certainly received a boost from the asinine "no liquids beyond security checkpoints" rule. Every time a true or would be terrorist does anything, there is a knee jerk reaction to prohibit that thing from air travel in an effort to give the allusion of safety. More often than not, these efforts and allusions men money for some entity, rest assured. If you recall, a year or so ago, most people were averse to full body scanners for fear of privacy. Then comes along the would be "fruit of kaboom" underwear bomber (have to give credit to Rush for that phrase). Recent polls indicate the majority of Americans now favor those same full body scanners. Surprise surprise. As usual, people fell for everything hook, line and sinker. During some international flights, passengers had to raise their hands above their heads and were prohibited from going to the restroom just prior to landing. Now to the average and below average minds, this seemed appropriate--even the right thing to do for our "safety". Really? Why then, do we pay billions of dollars for intelligence? Is that not for our safety? Why should my comfort and rights be compromised and outright denied because intelligence failed? Why are we doing the same things over and over that continue to fail?

Each full body scanner costs $170k and several will be coming to an airport near you. So will the failing intelligence budget be reduced by that same amount multiplied by the number of scanners purchased and installed in airports? Well, ration would assume it should be if this in fact is designed to work.

What is really sad is that the same people who favor this and any new invasion of privacy and denial of rights with regard to air travel, are the same people who would protest the denial of any amendment guaranteed rights related to any other area of life. The point I wish to make is that we continue to exist as drones and are hoodwinked daily into frivolous government spending. Yet, some would have you believe that insurance reform, welfare, or educational investment are what really erode federal and state finances and corrupt government. Really? Oh well, if Tom Brokaw still reported the evening news, this would be a feature on The Fleecing of America.

Gilbert Arenas--the dumbest gun slinger in the west

2010-01-06T17:48:00.000-08:00

Just when you thought it was safe to say you are a fan of the NBA some idiotic player finds some way to shame you once again. By now you are aware, and Tiger Woods is certainly happy, that Gilbert Arenas allegedly stored and brandished a weapon or weapons in his team's locker room. As if that isn't the most asinine situation you've heard in a minute, his excuse surely is.

Now all of this came to light when Mr. Arenas allegedly brandished one or more of his weapons threatening a teammate in an incident related to a gambling debt, a debt which Arenas denies exists. Nevertheless, the primary issue still remains---he brought to and stored weapons at his place of employment. His excuse, he didn't want the weapons in his home because of his children. Nice. Dilbert, eh em, I mean Gilbert did you ever think of a safe deposit box? A weapons exchange program? Selling them? There are several alternatives more appealing and certainly more appropriate than storing weapons at work. He should lose his job and should have been escorted from the premises in handcuffs. At any other place of business this would have been the case even if the weapons were only stored in the trunk of a vehicle on company property. Unless he moonlights as a police officer, bouncer, security guard, FBI agent, CIA agent, or member of the armed forces, I see no reason for him bringing a weapon to work. His stupidity is especially egregious considering the level of security that is standard for NBA players at work.

Commissioner Stern has suspended Gilbert Arenas indefinitely. He should be terminated, though the history of punishment of the NBA makes that look unlikely. I would ask Gilbert, "How stupid can you be?", but I am afraid he may answer.

Facebooking & Tweeting--the End of Intelligence & Couth

2010-01-06T17:15:00.000-08:00

Obviously I blog so I'm no stranger or dissenter to electronic communication. I firmly believe that it has made business and documentation more efficient and more important, given virtually everyone an opportunity to participate in news and entertainment. However, when it comes to interpersonal communication and establishing and maintaining relationships, electronic communication devices, particularly facebook, twitter, and text messaging are the Armageddon of Nostradamus prophecy.

I'll admit, I was quick to embrace email for it provided a quick communication method for keeping in touch with colleagues, friends, and instructors. Further, it aided the tree hugger in me in saving paper. During my undergraduate years, instructors began accepting electronic versions of assignments in lieu of hard copies occasionally. By the time I enrolled in graduate school, each assignment was to be submitted electronically. Awesome! However, electronic communication has gone too far. When you receive important messages via text message such as, "I'm married" or "grandpa just died" something is seriously awry. People quickly became drones, addicted to text messaging and incapable of real interpersonal communication. These drones were even texting before full qwerty keyboards became standard fixtures on mobile phones. I've now accepted text messaging, but only now that I have a "smart phone". Prior to that depressing numerical keys several times to simply say "on my way" was just a demonstration in stupidity.

Just when I thought people couldn't get any more moronic along comes facebook and twitter. What is it about these alleged social networks that encourages idiocy? People have been fired for being on "sick leave" and posting vacation pictures during that time, had their homes burglarized after announcing extended vacations, and been victims of assault. I mean seriously drones, this is border line retarded. Actually I think it's beyond retarded. The facebook drones no longer interact or even live. I've been to happy hours with acquaintances and friends who peck away at their phones about how much fun they are having hanging out with the girls. Really? You must be kidding me if you think that having a phone glued to your hand with the facebook application running constantly is engaging in any means. It is downright rude. I limit my interaction with those drones. People with hundreds and even thousands of facebook friends demonstrate the shallowness and insignificance of the uber social network. Many of these people spend their days posting away instead of living. "Good morning FBF. I wiped my ass FBF. I'm breathing FBF. Goodnight FBF. It is utter insanity. They clearly have no lives.

I joined under pressure of friends and relatives to "stay connected" and the initial intoxication of catching up seemed worthwhile until you witnessed how little facebook members actually lived and how much they facebooked instead. I've not joined twitter but have visited friends' pages and it is even worse. It encourages all of the already intellectually limited to post short "tweets" instead of composing actual sentences--as if we needed another excuse not to learn the rules of grammar. Each of the tweeters and facebook addicts seems to get dumber with every post sliding deeper into the depths of retardation losing every ounce of refinement and manners. They post aimlessly day in and day out sending data through fiber optic cables and wireless networks all the while missing the real human connections that bind, uplift, and inspire us. What's next? The holy church of twitter? Facebook united methodist episicopalian baptist holy roman catholic synagogue? Religious organizations and leaders have already logged in and will be tweeting and facebooking during, before, and after regularly scheduled sermons. I guess you don't go to heaven unless you're god's facebook friend or follower on twitter. It's invasive, it is uncouth, and it is beating genetics at creating more retards.

The Problem with Ivy Leagues & Think Tanks

2009-12-07T19:45:00.000-08:00

Intellects, particularly those at Ivy Leagues and other Think Tanks, always over analyze and attempt reduce a system to a singular device, when in fact it is the system that produces the desired result. The Harlem Zone is just what it declares in its name: a Zone. It is not a trick or a device. It is a systems approach that is a systematic engagement of its residents, and particularly its children on all fronts consistently. I first learned of Geoffrey Canada’s Harlem Zone three and a half years ago when CBS first reported about his “experiment”. I knew then that his passion alone would get positive results for he demands of himself and of parents, educators, donors, and community members--earnest dedication and accountability. Now, more than three years later, Anderson Cooper returns to the Harlem Zone to follow up on the story originally reported by the late Ed Bradley and reports remarkable success in closing the academic disparity between blacks and whites.

Instead of accepting the success for what it is, the intellectuals and think tanks are as usual, looking for the magic bullet, the “pill” as Harvard’s Fryer calls it, which is generating all the success. It is blatantly obvious that in any and all dealings with human behavior, and that is indeed the crux of educational success and failure, there is no one device or method of instruction that works successfully for all or some may argue even for one. Conversely, it is an all hands on deck approach that is proving to be the success behind the Harlem Zone as is the case with any other successful educational institution. There is in place a system of motivation, support, intervention, discipline, and accountability, which like our government of checks and balances, acts to keep each part of the human behavior and institutional engine working to support each other and the whole of the mission and objective.

This is the very manifestation of the African Proverb “it takes a village” in action. There is no single person or single method of instruction that can uplift ignorance. Just as history has demonstrated there is no single person or method of battle that has lifted a nation to eternal dominance. Human behavior is dynamic and therefore influencing human behavior, particularly the speed and level at which one learns, must also be dynamic. The static approaches commonly and currently in use, fail to meet the needs of a constantly evolving and technologically engaged people.

The systems approach and the advocacy for its implementation is nothing new. Accountability has become the mantra of the last four presidential administrations and yet, no enforcement or means of measuring accountability standards has been devised or implemented within any system or institution run by the bureaucracy. Excuses for failure to achieve have become the new normal. Meanwhile, children of poverty and of color, continue to be the biggest victims of the excuse game. Everyone is afraid to set the standards high in fear of emotionally damaging children when in reality the greatest emotional and intellectual damage is done by standards that are so low that children are manipulated into believing they are successes when actually they are failures. In public health, experts have long demanded the implementation of a systems approach which would correct fragmented delivery systems and employ checks and balances to improve and streamline quality of care. Yet, the selfishness, greed, and power tripping of each entity involved have muddled the sounds of those demands and resulted in the hodgepodge of care that lacks continuity, accountability, and delivers inequitable care to hundreds of millions. The same can be said for education. Too many hands in the cookie jar and too many control freaks have wreaked havoc on our most valuable assets, our children.

So while you Harvard, Yale, Princeton, and Stanford intellectuals and government and private think tanks meet and discuss ad nauseum, our children are slipping further and further into the abysmal cycle of ignorance which begets poverty and crime (you know more fodder for your analyses). Stop talking and analyzing and accept the dynamic which is and reject perpetual attempts to find and categorize the device that is not.

The Gap

2009-12-02T18:47:00.000-08:00

The other day, I exchanged some jeans at Old Navy and upon entering the store the alarms went off as they had when I exited the store on the day of original purchase. The original purchase day, one of the employees very politely assisted me in attempting to disarm the tags and apologized for the inconvenience. Essentially the same thing happened the other day when I exited the same old navy the second time with the new pairs of jeans, children in tow. the sales girl waved it off and said don't worry about it. So off to the Gap Kids we go. Well upon entering the Gap Kids the alarms went off because both stores are owned by the Gap and use the same theft deterrent system. I told the clerk it kept happening at with the Old Navy purchases and proceeded to get assistance for the item for which I had come. They didn't have it so we left only to have the alarms go off again. the young man whom had assisted me was like don't worry and asked the twit who appeared to be training him if they could deactivate it in their store. She said I don't know and asked him to check my bag & emphatically said check the receipt. both were white. The young man was obviously uncomfortable with it because hell, he saw just as she did that the alarm had gone off when I walked in. I repeated that this had been a problem three times already at Old Navy and that the mechanism will not deactivate. Now, my experiences could easily tell me that she did that because I'm a person of color; my experiences could also say she was just doing her job of inventory control or plain being a bitch. Either way, the way she handled the situation was unprofessional and demeaning. Why couldn't she have handled it the same way the old navy employee, whom prior to the alarm going off, had not had any interaction with me whatsoever. Why couldn't she have been polite and said maam do you mind if we check your receipt. hell, the store is little and I had been with an associate the entire time.

I share this with you because A) it pissed me off; I was with my children for crying out loud in a suit (not that this precludes theft, but it certainly abates suspicion among most) B) just to offer some perspective (I'm sure someone white has had similar or nearly identical encounters, but their experiences, cultural and social, likely led them to different reactions.) While I would like people to always act in a fair and just manner, this is not always the case. I employ the ideology of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt in most circumstances, but there are moments in which that ideology is inappropriate and makes more a fool of me than a principled person. Nevertheless, I being of conscious body and mind, do not take that as representation of the Gap and certainly not of all caucasians. She is as I said before, the one twit who acted unprofessionally and could in effect be labeled as a racist or a bigot from one unfortunate decision had she encountered someone bitter. I'll just call her stupid.

Still Begging Massah (Master)

2009-10-14T16:43:00.000-07:00

As has become customary for blacks, once again, a prominent figure is begging for something from the establishment, which in this case happens to be the State of South Carolina. Blacks have begged for an apology for slavery, to have the rebel flag removed from public structures, and more. Most recently, Tom Joyner has added to the legacy of begging by petitioning the the State of South Carolina to pardon his great uncles for wrongful conviction that resulted in their execution in 1915.

This is so inane. How this helps in any way other than to guilt-trip caucasians or to put the justice system on trial is beyond me. As usual, Mr. Joyner begging for apologies and symbolism that do nothing to affect the status quo. Why one continues to engage in agitation that does not bring about changes in the economic or educational status I shall never understand. Why is the effort not made for economic justice? Why hasn't the demand been made to mandate economic and financial management courses throughout grade school to truly empower minority youth out of disenfranchisement. No more begging, no more waiting for a symbolic handout. This so sickens me. This is no better than galvanizing thousands behind the ignorant young men of Jena, LA. Why not galvanize those same thousands and more behind the youth who are finding quality educations in poverty and low performing schools? Why are we not cheering on and supporting the Harlem Zone? No, we continue to take up non-issues like who does or doesn't provide paid leave for the King holiday. Black people, get it together and agitate on real issues. If we must beg, beg for the forty acres and a mule promised by the Freedman's Bureau (which didn't have the right to enforce or uphold such a promise--for another day). If it doesn't make money, then it doesn't make sense otherwise, you continue to be good slaves.

Ban Black People from Customer Service

2009-08-18T16:05:00.000-07:00

Employers across America, I beseech you, please refrain from selecting black people to fill your customer service positions. Unfortunately, customer service happens to be a skill lacking among black people. (Before you write rhyming Jesse or telephone permed Al Sharpton, there are exceptions to every rule and I am not the Creator. I do not speak in absolutes.)
Allow me to share with you some anecdotal evidence. The other day I telephoned a physician's office regarding a prescription with the intent of having the physician or a nurse respond to my inquiry. When I called, Shaquandalika (my standard name for these types--because their multi-syllabic names are always something identically or nearly that repulsive) answered. I knew it was she because I'd just met her at the office a couple of days prior and witnessed, in person, her less than courteous manner. Well, when I called and explained very politely that I would like to have a nurse return my call, she asked which nurse. I told her that it didn't matter (this is a specialty practice, not a clinic or urgent care center for whatever ails you). She abruptly responded, "Yes it does matter too ma'am." I suppose the "ma'am" was intended to assuage my discontent. What she should have asked is what physician I had seen or stated that nurses work alongside specific physicians (which would have been a stretch of the truth, but far more professional than her response).

This is just too much. The previous receptionist was a very polite and professional woman who happened to be caucasian. This is not to say that all blacks are impolite or that all caucasians are polite. It is only to say that polite service from someone black has become the exception and not the rule. Another example, my mother visited my brother's school and encountered the office attendant with one hand in a chip bag (I've come to find this standard practice among most black women working a "desk" job.) My mother inquired about contact information for a faculty member and the attendant asks my mother for the person's email stating "Come on now, you supposed to help me out." Seriously?? The lack of professionalism among blacks, particularly those who loosen what little professionalism they have even more when the customer is black is disappointing and appalling. Needless to say, due to such experiences, I often cringe when a black person is the only one available to assist me fully expecting to receive hood service. I'm rarely disappointed.

Never Can Say Goodbye...

2009-06-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure what the title for this post should be. Of course this is about the greatest entertainer of all time, Michael Jackson. I LOVED Michael and have so many memories in front the the television watching the premier of the latest MJ video. My favorite video of all time and arguably the best to have ever been produced, Thriller, is the first to come to mind. The dancing, the cinematography, the killer beat, the story line--simply unbelievable by the standards of the early 80s and certainly by the standards of today.

Gifted beyond measure, a musical genius, Michael to many was music. He set the standard that no one else has achieved. He truly brought music to life and I shall forever be in awe of his tremendous talent. Today at work, we all struggled to determine which of Michael's songs was our favorite. How could there be only one? There simply can't be. One of my favorites, performed along with the other members of the Jackson Five, is "Can You Feel It?" Awww man, when I here that I just get crazy happy. It is just one of those songs that elevates your mood. In elementary, we must have watched Moonwalker a hundred times. After "Smooth Criminal" Michael proved once and for all that he was the baddest performer to walk the earth. Then there is "Lady in my Life", "Man in the Mirror", "Dirty Diana", ohhh and "Butterflies". Look I just love the man and we are forever blessed to have lived while he lived, to hear his music, to see his performances. I was even fortunate enough to see him perform live. He gave so much of himself as a performer and truly fulfilled his destiny. He has said he wanted to provide "magic and some type of escapism to people". Michael you truly were magical and your music will lie on forever in my spirit and in the spirit of hundreds of millions of others throughout the world.

Tyler Perry, Seriously?

2009-04-18T20:05:00.000-07:00

Are you kidding me? About a month ago, colleagues demanded I surrender my black card for saying I do not like Tyler Perry movies. I stood by my opinion then and am even more firm in that opinion now. Now, let me first say, I'm far from being a hater. I applaud the man for his accomplishments, especially the establishment of a studio. These are triumphs which should certainly be recognized and applauded by all. Nonetheless, that does not mandate that I subscribe to the newsletters from his parishioners. I've genuinely tried to find some redeeming quality in his films to no avail. His is an experience to which I can't relate. Let me put it as I so matter of factly told my colleagues last month, I'm just not that black.

Tyler's films are nothing more than filming of his plays on movie sets. That is it and nothing more. Now, this formula has certainly worked for him, contributing to his fond following and even landing him a friendship with Lady O. That is certainly no small feat. Nonetheless, this formulaic redemption through Jesus or through some scripture undertone is so overworked in the black play circuit it is just nauseating. Now, he has added the flair of nuanced Jesus peace or churchiness as my mother calls it, which makes it more palatable to the mainstream. In marketing we would call this building a better mouse trap. It is essentially the same as those other chicken house circuit plays, but I'll be the first to credit Mr. Perry with the marketing genius of packaging it as though it isn't so.

Now, I was all set to give Mr. Perry the benefit of the doubt with The Family that Preys. I certainly had no intention of spending my time or money to see it in the theater, but basic cable was a sure bet. Until today, I hadn't seen one of his films in its entirety. I mean come on, the ending is known in the first five minutes. Still, my colleagues badgered me at work and asked what kind of black person I was to not like Tyler Perry's movies. For all of my non black readers, please allow me to explain. Black people have an inane tendency to think we all like the same things, collard greens and chicken circuit plays. Fortunately, this has not been my experience, thus, I am unable to relate to these things that apparently comprise blackness. At any rate, I was urged to see this movie because it was different, not typical TP, so much deeper, "oooh, and when you see the reason she cheated and the connection to her father's infidelity". So I'm expecting better things.

NOT! Again, Mr. Perry overlaps too many stories and themes in one film. Spike Lee also has this problem. Now, the casting was superb. Alfre Woodard and Kathy Bates are stellar, but even they couldn't save The Titanic. Can a husband seriously be as stupid as Chris (Rockmond Dunbar)? They obviously said to hell with office etiquette. That receptionist should have been fired long ago. Abigail (Robin Givens) overstepped her boundaries at the party and was far less than professional, yet she claims to be the queen of decorum later. Seriously? Are you kidding me? There were so many gaping holes in this plot that were so beautifully captured in the Grand Canyon scene. And come on, Mother Cartwright has Alzheimer's and no one votes her out? Now Mr. Perry, cancer would have been okay here, but Alzheimer's. She should have voted herself out.

I could go on. Suffice it to say, it is much better for Tyler, but that ain't saying much. It is better than his chicken circuit bit, but still lacking in depth and completely unrealistic. So, for all of you who told me it was so great and on a Spielberg level, I say seriously, you must be kidding me. You black people are still so easily entertained. Through a little prayer or churchiness---some Xian theme and you all are all over it. This is no Color Purple.

Obama Kool-Aid Anyone?

2009-04-04T08:34:00.000-07:00

It appears President Obama is the next Jim Jones. I know so many of you are scoffing at this post. That is because you are in all likelihood one of the Kool-Aid drinkers. You'd have to be comatose, delirious, or a dementia patient to be unaware of the global economic crisis, specifically the crisis of Detroit Big Three. Initially, I was on the fence as to whether or not we should rescue the domestic automakers because I am employed by an industrial firm and therefore work closely with automakers, domestic and foreign, including their suppliers which would also lose substantially if the Big Three fail. Thus, it was an ache for the millions of people and companies indirectly connected, including those employed along with me, that I half way supported the rescue. However, I abhor indecisiveness in leadership. No, I'm not saying there was any one right answer or right decision, but if there is anything that can be learned from G. W. Bush, it is decisiveness.

To what am I alluding? Oh, you know, well beneath the purple haze intoxication from the Obama Kool-Aid. It was asinine to provide my and your tax money to GM only to demand, after the fact, that they file for bankruptcy and what is worse, you oust Rick Waggoner in the midst of all of this. Yeah, way to rally Wall Street. I digress. The point is, we should have let them file for bankruptcy initially---before they were given my money if this was to be the result anyway. However, you can no longer provide this glimmer of reasoning to many of our citizens, especially the ones of color. For they as, 60 Minute's Steve Croft puts it, are in punch drunk love. I mean, this man can do no wrong. I am so tired of seeing him on television, it brings me to the point of nausea and headache. I'm one episode away from visiting my OBGYN for a pregnancy test. This is all too much too fast. I need to see you with books, papers, and scads of economists at least giving the perception that you are working feverishly to get us to the road of recovery. Now, don't get me wrong, meeting with world leaders is certainly a necessary endeavor, but all the news conferences day and night must stop.

For eight years, we ridiculed Bush for his lack of eloquence, even accusing him of being inept. Now, I'll be the first to admit that I'm an admirer of oratory, an area in which Obama clearly is not lacking. However, more than that, particularly in the office of president, I am enamored with substance, sound judgment, and leadership. Often, his speeches have been lacking in substance and direction and choc full of sound bytes and relevant quips. (As a writer, I'm all too familiar with such devices used for cadence and effect.)

I'm not saying everything President Obama is doing is in error, nor am I saying everything is right. I'm saying we must exhibit wisdom and healthy skepticism as these are serious matters. We must not become so enamored with having a president of color that we lose focus on how what happens in Washington DC affects our futures. We as black people do this too much as it is. We were this way with the philandering Dr. King and continued this insanity with Kwame Kirkpatrick and the infamous OJ (last name not necessary). Please stop drinking the kool-aid.

P.S. Please don't interrupt my Jack Bauer Hour--24, with one of your speeches. That is my purple haze moment, in Hollywood's land of make believe, where it should be.

Life Expectancy

2009-02-11T20:05:00.000-08:00

I just completed a life expectancy calculator which returned an expectancy of 102 years. My first thought, I don't want to live that long. Now, I want to live to see my grandchildren and hopefully great grandchildren, but whew, 102 years. Perhaps things will be different. I'm a vegetarian, but I don't exercise. I still have time to get into that right? My grandmother lived to be 72. Before her illness, she was extremely active and walked for longer distances than I do or did when I was more active. Her diet, however, was not as good as mine and she grew up through the first depression and Jim Crow, so life was much more difficult and perhaps more stressful. So, I anticipate having a good health and mobility in my older age.

Still, I'm not sure I would like to live to be 102. First, men die younger than women. I suppose I could find me a younger man, someone 80, 75? Heck, I'm a hot girl, I'm going for 65. If I had a man, living to 102 may be worth my while. However, I must also consider my children and grandchildren. Would they really want me around? As long as I'm active, I wouldn't be a burden. No one, or should I say, very few want to surrender their independence and become burdens on loved ones. I'm no exception. Perhaps I should take up more extra curricular drinking to bring that expectancy down a couple of decades. Now I know why getting my life insurance was so easy and inexpensive. They know they'll never have to pay out.

Youngest Conservatives & Liberals

2009-01-01T13:03:00.000-08:00

If you are a parent, then you know that you can decipher your child's or children's disposition early in their lives, sometimes even before they are born. In utero responses to certain types of music, light, or activity shed a great deal of light on the demeanor your child will likely have. Nevertheless, few if any have been able to determine their child's political leanings before birth or in infancy. I am no exception.

However, our children engaged in quite the philosophical conversation the other day as we were driving to my in-laws' home. They were discussing what and how people around the world ate. This led to my daughter telling my son that some people don't eat because they do not have anything to eat for lack of money. My son then declares, rather emphatically as is his usual style of speak, that everyone could have enough to eat if they wanted. They must simply work for it, some harder than others. Yet, he insists that the simple will and effort for money will suffice. My daughter responds that it is not that simple because not everyone can work.

The passion in their conversation really tickled me. I did not want to intervene, yet was compelled to when my son beckoned for me to settle their disagreement. What I said is not important here. What is absolutely insightful is where each would land along the political spectrum. I must say that I am not very surprised. My son lacks the general compassion that the universe has bestowed upon my daughter. His compassion is quite specific--belonging only to those he deems important, very typical of a Leo.

I wonder if they will remain this way or if they will vacillate or find themselves like so many who are not outright liberal or conservative. My hope is that they, more than anything, continue to think critically about the challenges that affect the human experience.

Yes to Bailout No to Super Bowl

2008-12-29T05:42:00.000-08:00

This has been quite the tumultuous year for companies and citizens alike. The job losses are in the millions and companies once thought to be rock solid are now bankrupt or no longer exist. In all of the chaos, many of these companies which exist and profit mightily from America's capitalist system and small non-intervening government policies, have suddenly had a change of heart--well in some respects. They still want smaller government and fewer restrictions, but they also want a little welfare.

You will have to have lived on Jupiter not to know that the $700 million bailout was approved and so begins the dissemination of our tax dollars to private institutions. One company that did not ask for nor has it received any financial assistance from the government, FedEx, has declined to purchase commercial slots for the upcoming Super Bowl. How delightful I thought. FedEx recently announced reductions in management salaries and a suspension of retirement contributions. Thus, it is only proper judgment to also reduce astronomical spending elsewhere--ala Super Bowl advertising. In all fairness, General Motors announced that it would not purchase advertising slots for the Super Bowl either. I'm still waiting on confirmation that other recipients of bailout money will follow suit.

I do not want to see a single advertisement from AIG or as a matter of fact, any mortgage lender. This is not to exculpate private citizens for biting more than they could chew and getting these mortgages, but private citizens don't typically purchase network advertising. I don't want to see one advertisement for a Ford, a Chrysler, or Wachovia. Will this create a revenue problem for NBC? In all likelihood yes. However, NBC is owned by General Electric, so I think they'll manage.

I am simply disgusted with the lack of accountability demonstrated by so many of the culpable in this financial crisis. The leaders of these companies, while begging for government assistance, show no contrition and shun any oversight. Curbing advertising spending, particularly during the Super Bowl is a decent show of faith. Nevertheless, we have a ways to go in rebuilding the reputations of our financial and automotive industries.

A Case for Santa

2008-12-22T05:59:00.001-08:00

If you've ever read my blog or even been in my presence, you surely know I'm not one for mainstream thinking and ideas, particularly when it comes to Xmas. I am a mother of young children and we have never nor do we ever anticipate lavishing them with gifts on the alleged birthday of Jesus, one of the Xian deities of the trinity. It is commercialism at its best. However, that is a topic for another post. Today, as ironic as it may be, I am writing to make a case for Santa.

I'm not one to judge other parents for promoting the myth of Santa to their children. After all, it is their tradition and traditions are a form of bondage difficult to break. Parents like to live vicariously through their children through the myth of Santa for it reminds them of their childhood pleasantries. I still don't get it for I'd much rather my children have their existence free of my burdens and insecurities, but that is just me.

Until the other day, I did not dare think I would see or hear something that would encourage me to promote the myth of St. Nick. Yet, I have. As I listened to XM Radio the other day, the d.j. began to share the story of a nine year old girl who had written a letter to Santa asking him to stop her uncle from fondling her. My immediate reaction was that the uncle should be castrated. Then, my thoughts went to the little girl. How brave of her to write Santa about her terrible experience. This is the kind of experience that young girls keep secret for decades for fear of retribution and or admonishment. This is a shame that young girls harbor into womanhood that often denigrates future relationships. Yet there was some intense attachment to hope in Santa's power. It is this story and others like it which would lead me to make a case for Santa.

Nonetheless, Santa is indeed a myth. In this situation, someone obviously found and read the child's letter and was able to intervene. What of all the children who really do need help and write to this imaginary man only to never receive it? For those children, can the case for Santa be made?

Defeated

2008-11-27T19:21:00.000-08:00

Something is amiss with my husband and me. Last Thanksgiving, we were in sync...finishing each other's sentences, reading each other's minds, Taboo champs. We walked into Casa de Walker and left their metaphorical carcasses decomposing in defeat. We cleaned the floors with them. We were unstoppable, yes, we shamed my cousins in their own home. Well, today was the rematch and it wasn't really so much that my husband and I were off as much as it was the rest of our team. We went from the dream team last year to bench warmers. My mother's trusty steed claimed to be so adept at the game only to not even get one clue from his mouth. Thank the Creator for Six who saved the day and managed to keep us in the game. You go girl! Mommy is so proud of you.

This is serious, it has become a tradition of gatherings. We play to win. What is most disturbing is that we lost to my cousin who is 13. I must admit, I beckoned him to the other side because I foolishly believed that he might lack the general knowledge to give good clues. Boy was I wrong. He gave them eight of their 16 points. If you have not played Taboo, Gestures, or Scrabble you are really missing some hilarious fun. I remember my family battling each other at each holiday gathering when I was a little girl. They would argue vehemently over the legitimacy of words when the dictionary, which was on the table, would have much more quickly resolved the argument. It was the spirit and thrill of it all. Now as an adult, I have caught that same spirit of camaraderie. This year, it has ended in disappointment. Nonetheless, as always, we had so much fun--even if we did lose. Surprisingly, my super competitive husband is not that bothered about it. Perhaps he expended all of his mojo on the Cowboys who did win today. So, he'll be on cloud nine till the next game.

Re-Up or Opt Out

2008-11-23T21:26:00.000-08:00

I've been married or incarcerated for a minute depending upon which day you ask. These are the breaks. You don't coexist with anyone without at least cogitating once or one thousand times (this is an exaggeration for all of those insanely perpetually blissfully married or cohabitants--you know the kool-aid drinkers). I recall one of my good friends visiting me with her husband and daughter from S. Korea shortly after I had gotten married. I was pregnant with our first child. They looked at each other, longingly and said, we're stuck. Neither of us can leave. We have our daughter, bank accounts, intertwined credit, passports, a home in another country--we are stuck. Well, some way, some how, they got unstuck and divorced oh, maybe three or four years ago. There was a rifle and a closet involved, an easy motivation to find some kind of solvent to loosen that adhesive that had them so stuck.

I've known so many couples who have parted ways, others who are seriously considering it, and of course every once in a while, I encounter the liar who talks ad nauseum about how perfect and wonderful their marriage always is. I think you call them newlyweds or just liars. For those of us who keep it real, we'll let you know it is about serious effort and there are times when one or both are not putting forth his or her fair share. It happens. So, I share all of this to suggest a marriage clause. No, not a prenuptial agreement. We get so caught up in protecting "my" or "his" finances that we don't think anything about protecting who and what we are and will surely become during the evolution of the marriage. That prenuptial and splitting finances s^%$ is a topic for another blog.

I propose a "Re-Up or Opt Out Clause". The stage at which you choose to implement it is an entirely personal choice, be it the "seven year itch", the ten year marker, or for ye with little faith two years (I recommend at least five, the first two years are getting to know you working out the kinks years anyway unless your man is crazy, deranged in which case you had signs before you said I do.) By having this clause as a part of your marital agreement, each member of the couple has the option at whatever stage you preselect, to either re-up for another interval, or opt out, no questions asked, uncontested. Just as both parties were required to sign up initially, both parties must agree to re up. If one member of the couple decides he or she does not wish to continue with the marriage, the other member must adhere to the agreement. Perhaps this will make things easier. Of course this could be viewed as one of those planning to fail things, but I look at it as just being honest. Your forever may not be the same as my forever. Besides, it is a lot better than one member feeling like a hostage.

I'm sure many will abhor this suggestion. Those are the people whose spouses would choose to opt out. As my mom always says, "You can't hold back water when it wants to go." For proof of that, remember New Orleans August 2005 or India December 2004. When someone really wants to do something they have the force of water.

Jedi Mind Tricks

2008-11-20T15:50:00.000-08:00

For those of you unfamiliar with Star Wars, don't worry, you needn't be to understand this post. There are millions of people, perhaps tens of millions, who engage in Jedi mind tricks daily. My children have used Jedi mind tricks every since they learned to speak. It is rather annoying I must say, particularly for those of us who respect and demand concise communication both written and verbal.

Let me enlighten you as to what a Jedi mind trick is. Basically, it is passive aggressive language or behavior performed to request or cajole someone else to action when it might have just as easily been done by simply asking in a direct manner. Here is an anecdote. This evening, the natives and I were in K- Roger, that's right, not Kroger, but K- Roger, check the signs folks, that's they way they present it, so that is the way I say it as two distinct syllables--but I digress. At any rate, we were in the supermarket and Five says, "I wish I had some cookies." So already perturbed because this is the hundredth time Five and/or Six has tried this, I responded, "Look, don't try your Jedi mind tricks on me. If you want something, I have taught you the proper way to ask. I shall not be persuaded or dissuaded to action with Jedi mind tricks." Then, Five politely asked, "may I have some cookies please." Of course I purchased cookies.

These tricks happen quite frequently. My aunt tried unsuccessfully to bait me to reveal information about my cousins whereabouts by saying, "I heard she was in X." My response, "Really." Then, she says, "I wonder where she is?" I did not respond. I don't like questions posed as statements or any passive aggressive mechanism. Just ask for what you want. Otherwise, it will be ignored by me. What people are failing to realize is that I am a Jedi Master. Pseudo Jedi apprentices need not apply. Unless you have mastered telekenisis, mind reading, or prophesy, don't try me. Just ask directly. You'll get a direct response. It may not be one to your liking, but a response nonetheless.

Stop Doing Slave Things

2008-11-04T20:44:00.001-08:00

Last weekend, my sister, brother, and mother visited us and we really enjoyed each other's company. We visited Atlanta area colleges so that my sister, who graduates in a year, could get an idea of where she might like to attend. I had no idea, until Saturday, that my sister still does slave things. Please allow me to elaborate.

Saturday morning, my sister asked me if I had some grease. "Grease?", I asked. "You mean, cooking oil?" "No", my sister replied. "Hair grease." Seriously, black people, are there really some of you out there who still believe you need grease to straighten or maintain the straightness of your hair? I explained that I do not use grease and have had the same can of oil sheen for six years. Moreover, I don't use grease laden products. Please allow me to enlighten you. All you need is heat. We figured out, oh about a decade or so ago, that grease is not only unnecessary, it is damaging to hair follicles. I also learned that my sister still uses sponge rollers, which strip the hair of moisture and lead to breakage, particularly if you do not use grease. So, I guess in her case, she really does need grease since she is still using sponge rollers. They still sell those?

On to my next slave like behavior. My mother, and many mothers and aunts across America, still eat slave food. At least once a month, she is cooking greens, pinto beans, or some slave food like that. Now, we do not consume swine and have not since 1992, so I would consider my folks to be evolved slaves, but slaves nonetheless. Come on black people. We have a black president and I don't expect him to pull the grill onto the lawn of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. So please, expand your horizons, stop using hair grease, stop cooking black eyed peas, and stop doing slave things. Us is free now.

Wonderment!

2008-11-04T20:32:00.000-08:00

I am simply in awe. I certainly did not think that I would see this day in my young life if at all. Today, I have witnessed a new America, a truly United States of America in which perhaps a man is judged more by the content of his character and less by the color of his skin. Is this a dream? I am shocked as well as amazed, in pure wonderment. I am also honored to witness history. The dream is no longer deferred.

I am happiest for my dear son, for all the sons of color who have been told implicitly that there are limits to their achievement. I have even before he was born told my son that he could be anything his heart desires. Now, I have the manifestation of those desires as the shining example of what my son and all of our sons can be. For this, I owe America much gratitude. I too sing America. You now see how beautiful I am and are no longer ashamed.

Clinton & Modern Day Imperialism & Colonialism

2008-10-25T06:43:00.001-07:00

First, let me applaud President Bill Clinton for having the courage and gumption to admit the error (I would like to say malice, albeit unintentional) in our foreign aid policies. As Clinton stated, "We all blew it, including me when I was president...Food is not a commodity like others. We should go back to a policy of maximum food self-sufficiency. It is crazy for us to think we can develop countries around the world without increasing their ability to feed themselves." By treating food crops as commodities instead of as a vital right of the world's poor, we have in effect castrated agricultural self-sufficiency. This is particularly egregious in nations with regimes of dictatorship, corruption, and coercion, which unfortunately are the norm in Africa. Let me also, applaud President George W. Bush for having the foresight and the integrity to introduce legislation which would have positively altered this policy.

Please allow me to impart the wisdom of the statements that will follow through this cursory history lesson. During much of modern history, that is, for the 15th - 20th centuries, imperialism and colonialism were the paramount "diplomatic" strategies of European nations. The American Heritage Dictionary in essence defines imperialism as extending a nation's authority by territorial acquisition or by the establishment of economic and political hegemony over other nations. It defines colonialism as "a policy by which a nation maintains or extends its control over foreign dependencies". The British, the Dutch, Germans, French (not an exhaustive list)--all of the world's most powerful nations exercised such policies and successfully garnered control of many African, South American, and Asian nations. Just Google Cecil Rhodes for whom Rhodesia was named (now Zimbabwe), or the Sepoy Mutiny to get a picture of the gravity of these policies. Colonialism and Imperialism are the very policies which have resulted in the Haitis of today.

I'm certain that most would find my analogy of imperialism/colonialism to our foreign aid policies a bit too grave, but let's call a spade a spade. By the very definition provided by the American Heritage Dictionary or any other reputable reference of your choosing, we are in effect extending our authority by the establishment of an obvious economic hegemony through the elimination of agricultural subsidies & education in poor nations. Moreover, we have been acting to strengthen agricultural output in our own nation by requiring that all aid be from our coffers. The result has been, as you would certainly understand it if you are familiar with our subsidies to US farmers, agricultural, economic, political, diplomatic, social, and philanthropic (for the sake of image) rise for our nation.

For the nations receiving the aid, we provided them with the proverbial fish and fed them for symbolically a day, and literally for a few days. What we have failed to do, is empower and educate these nations and their people towards self-sufficiency. Like the days of overt colonialism and imperialism, we have executed policies which are inherently designed to drive other nations towards dependency on foreign governments. You have so many ignoramuses, who will cry aloud in anger as to why these countries or those people cannot help themselves. They have not been given the tools necessary to do so. We deprived them of not only the fishing lesson, but the rod as well.

The Tooth Fairy...

2008-10-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

and other mythical creatures or legends. Like so many other Americans, I was reared in the Xian tradition. Everything about my family was pretty typical--enormous Thanksgiving meals, Easter dresses and ring curls, and of course Xmas. Included in these traditions are the figures of myth and legend that are infused in the lives of children--figures with whom we become more familiar than some of our actual relatives.

Every Easter for perhaps the first decade of my life the Easter Bunny visited my home and left a basket full of goodies that surely contributed to my adolescent weight problem (along with the every other day Suzy Qs). My older cousins teased me with tales of the Boogey Man, the Tooth Fairy and of course there was Santa Claus.

My husband and I decided before embarking upon parenting that we would not impose such farces upon our children. They are the foundation of lying. How are we to impart honesty within our children if we compose and or participate in the grandest of lies to our children? Moreover, why would we want to give credit to mythical beings for our laborious efforts?

I recall so vividly the devastation of learning there was not Santa. I lie. It didn't really matter, nor did it leave even the slightest impression. I actually pitied my mother who had worked so diligently to maintain the charade for so many years and yet, I was elated to see the relief on her face that she would no longer have to continue it. Now she could relish in all the much deserved credit for the gifts I'd received. So, no, we do not lie to our children about some fat dude sliding down our chimney with frankincense and myrrh. We don't even purchase gifts for Xmas. Engaging in that sham is the greatest marketing ploy ever, but I digress. Saving that for the special Xmas edition.

Well, we stood our ground firmly until our beloved child with XX chromosomes lost her first tooth. Typically, I'm rather steadfast in such affairs, but for whatever reason, I lost composure. I thought of how much I might rob our children because of my chastisement of the establishment, my abhorrence of insane tradition. Had I sentenced my children to lives of complete depravity all for my personal need to appear rational?

I thought long and hard (long enough for that tooth to fall out) and decided to surrender this once. I recalled how much joy believing in magic brought me. How ecstatic I seemed to always be to believe in the myth of the Tooth Fairy honoring my transition from baby teeth to permanent ones. I want my children to experience this kind of myth that isn't steeped in religious dogma and mortal damnation. Yes, the Tooth Fairy is the safer legend. And for a little while, before her life spins into an oblivion of the real world, my daughter can believe. My son can too if his roots ever lose the kung fu grip they have on his teeth.

Photo Blog

2008-10-14T19:07:00.000-07:00

If you have a Negro child, you will surely relate. No time or cerebral capacity to write tonight, so enjoy the photo blog of my evening. I shampooed Six's hair tonight and no Mom, I did not cut Five's faux hawk.

Okay, so I am unable to even organize the photos in the right order. So, it begins with the fro and ends with the drink.

ta da.

A King's Prey

2008-10-12T06:41:00.000-07:00

As a child and now as an adult, I thoroughly enjoy National Geographic. My grandmother would bring me the magazines and I would study the habits of creatures not very different from us. Lions and hyenas have been a particular fascination for me. Specifically the juxtaposition of their hunting styles, the respect or lack thereof they display for their prey. These two animals' hunting rituals mimic the preying rituals of their kingdom cousins--the human male and their female preying rituals.

Let's begin with the hyena. The hyena is a scavenger, an ugly creature which typically feasts upon the remains of other predators. There is no real selection, no ultimate design or honor in its method. It preys upon the stench of death in the same fashion that lesser men prey upon weak and vulnerable women so they can further mutilate the spirit of an already spiritually decapitated woman. This is its nature, its role in the circle of life. This behavior is expected of the hyena. For the men who exhibit these behaviors, there must be no greater expectation. They are who they are and I do not fault them. I fault the women who lay in waiting for them. The ones who release the scent of frailty--the scent that beckons to be devoured by the lowly hyena.

The lion, though it will scavenge, is a majestic beast of legend. It lay in wait as part of its pride's strategy to capture and voraciously consume the fruits of its labor. Though it too will search a pack of animals for its weakest member, it still engages in the hunt. In its chase it demonstrates its prowess, the reason for its reputation. The deftness in its tact and the potency of its jaws strike fear in many prey and submission in its mates. This is what you expect of the lion. You expect the chase. You expect to be caught, labored after. You aren't rotting leftovers, you are a feast.

At the end of the day, men will prey. Whether they are scavengers or predators depends upon the prey. Any self respecting woman would rather be hunted and feasted upon by the lion--the king, the one who makes it his endeavor in life to bring the game of predator and prey. What woman wants to be the meal of some slovenly hyena that primarily seeks death?

I provide this analogy for someone who is very dear to me. She waits, spiritually defeated --attracting the bottom rungs of the animal kingdom providing no challenge to the lowly predators. Why not be subdued by higher forms? If you are going to be the prey, be the prey of the lion, a respected beast. Be chased, be a challenge, a feast. Make him work for you. I don't say this to belittle anyone. Men will hunt; it is their nature. Some are hyenas, some are lions and surely a few in between. Be the spoils of victory--well designed strategy, not the spoiling carcass of defeat. Until you resurrect your spirit, you will only attract those seeking death.

Be a king's prey.

Is the Thrill Gone?

2008-10-11T17:08:00.000-07:00

What happens to people, particularly women when they marry? Why do they suddenly become old maids? Why do men suddenly become sports watching couch potatoes? This homeliness that sets in must be to what B.B. King is referring when he sings The Thrill Is Gone. Couples frequently reminisce about the times of fun and spontaneity they experienced before they exchanged the "I Do" shackles. Does the weight of a marriage license and all the responsibilities it entails preclude fun and enjoyment? I encounter so many couples who do absolutely nothing with friends that they did before they married. I've heard that this is the way it must be. It seems so silly to me. Why marry someone only to have them change into someone else?

My husband still hangs with his same crew--some members married, well most members unmarried, one married. They still do the same things--clubbing, football games, card games, and cook-outs. I still hang with my same crew--most divorced or contemplating it, one married, two single (not counting divorcees). We still kick it the same as before--clubbing, shopping, girls' night outs, etc. It is a release. It is a necessity. It keeps us sane. We didn't become different people because we said I do. We only became committed to each other, not committed to a life of boredom and insecurity. A colleague remarked once at how fortunate I am to have a husband who does not hound me about where I've been and with whom. "Fortunate", I thought?? Is this not the norm? Why are women with insecure men? At the end of the day, I'm a GAW (Grown Ass Woman) and he is a GAM (Grown Ass Man). We do not live with our parents, nor do they provide any financial security for us. Hence, we are not obligated to answer for our actions. What this gets down to is trust and respect. Why live with someone whom you are unable or unwilling to trust? Where is the peace in that? Without a peace of mind, there is nothing.

An acquaintance is in the midst of some drama with her husband who returned from a guy's weekend hurling accusations of lying and emotional indiscretions. Seriously, I have little tolerance of such crap. My husband and I have an understanding, a mutual trust. I'm not going to fore go fun because you don't trust me. Bounce. Be out. Don't holler back. I'm a GAW. Believe what you want to believe. I shall not dignify insanity with a response. I am not responsible for any one's insecurities or shortcomings. How 'bout that?

That's all I have to say about that.

The Unnatural Disaster

2008-10-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

It is impossible to visit any news site, read any newspaper, or sit in any shop without encountering at least one conversation about the financial crisis. People are discussing it as though it formed out of thin air. No one is willing to acknowledge their culpability in this. Ignorance is no excuse for many of those who benefited for they were well informed of the risks of playing the housing market. Flippers multiplied like fleas and everyone was taking their slice of American Pie. The banks are certainly complicit in this debacle. Every day became Christmas for even those with sub par credit. The Federal Reserve even joined in and "made it rain" like Lil Wayne dropping interest rates like they were hot. Where is Alan Greenspan now? Who is that you ask? Well instead of following Obama as if he is the messiah, perhaps it would better serve you to become more acquainted with the powers controlling the money. Now, poor Ben Bernanke has inherited a mess not entirely of his making.

What is important now is where we go from here? What lessons have we learned? These are lessons we supposedly learned following The Great Depression. As Dave Ramsey says, "Cash is king." Yet, we continue to favor leverage or debt over reason. I predict, that we'll learn and exercise this lesson for a little while that is until our impulses once again override our sense of reason. We must acknowledge the fact that humans are very emotional beings. Though we would like to believe we act rationally, every action is the result of either a motivation or a barrier. This financial mess has been motivated by a need to belong, a need to feel like a successful person, the kind of father or mother that can "do it big"--this culture of materialism.

My greatest sympathies go to the already disadvantaged and disenfranchised who will be further pushed into the oblivion of socio-economic despair by more stringent lending practices. These practices would be good for all if an educational and economic framework existed which imparted the wisdom of financial management. However, with a multi-billion dollar war and now a multi-billion dollar bail out, where are we to get the money for that?

Back to ER

2008-09-25T19:52:00.000-07:00

I've been a Grey's Anatomy fan from the beginning. I have long favored it over that horrible day time soap opera Desperate Housewives. However, this season premiere has been awful. It isn't over yet, but I don't see any salvation in the final seven minutes. I mean, seriously, Kristina with an icicle in the abdomen? If that isn't the silliest mess I've seen in a long time. I mean, I expect such idiocy from Nip Tuck (which I love), you just have certain expectations.
Three older wives in a limo wreck and their husbands in a separate limo wreck. That plot was a train wreck. It was too convoluted to develop any connections with these people. This ranks as one of the most horrible episodes, except for the episode when Izzie operates on a deer. The doctors beg for trauma patients? WTF!
ER was my favorite medical drama for a long time and Noah Wylie is returning and Angela Bassett will now be a cast member. It looks like it is back to ER for me unless Grey's gets back to its core. Paging Dr. Burke!

Atlanta's Traffic

2008-09-16T17:54:00.000-07:00

Everyone is familiar with how horrific ATL traffic is. Few people really know why. Please allow me to enlighten you. The drivers are complete imbeciles. This morning in route to work, I was provided a classic example. Now, in most cities, and I'd like to think they were taught this here, everyone knows that when the light is green and you are turning right, you have the right of way. Well, the idiots here, yield for everyone, including the oncoming traffic which is turning left. IDIOTS! Left turners without the green arrow are supposed to yield to oncoming traffic which includes traffic turning right. Oh, no, these brain children stop and wait for everyone to turn left even when the other lanes continue to pass through the green light, as they should.

This morning some twit did this in front of me. There we sat at the green light waiting for all the left turners, who did not have the green arrow any longer (obviously because we had a green light), I lay on the horn. The dumb heifer still sat there. That is just one of the traffic laws to which Georgians are oblivious. They also do not know how to approach four way stop intersections. They just sit and wait. They do not know what yield means; they apparently think it is Mandarin for stop.

I asked some native Georgians why they are complete idiots on the road. Their response, "We are just courteous." Excuse me! You call nearly killing me or others in a possible head on collision while you stop instead of completing your turn and traffic is still coming in two lanes to your left and waiting behind you, courtesy. Keep your courtesy and your pending charge as an accessory to second degree homicide. Learn the rules of the road and by all means implement them in your daily travels.

School Fundraisers

2008-09-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

Enough already! We are only nine weeks into the school year and our children's school has had no fewer than nine fundraisers. Each week in each of the children's homework folders, we receive a slew of fundraiser related papers. New fundraiser, SAVE the TREES and stop using all of this paper. Oh and by the way, save money by not using so much paper, ink, and manpower to harass parents into harassing others. Save my sanity. I am unable to keep up with what I'm peddling. I'll soon committ the error of trying to sell Avon to a male co-worker.

I was warned about this from other parents whose children are older. One mother says that she writes a check to her children's school at the beginning of each year with the promise that she will not be badgered with the fundraisers. I'm just about there. They beat you over the head with it. No wonder aptitude is on life support. The teachers have become professional fundraisers instead of instructors. They could easily use these skills to become directors at non-profits.

Last Wednesday alone, there were three fundraiser solicitations in each of the children's folders. So I received six in one day. Oh no, there is no multi-child forgiveness. You are expected to raise twice as much. This is insane. We have certainly lost focus here. Amazingly, prior to Board vs BOE, when Negro schools had next to nothing, they made learning happen. What happened to that ingenuity, that making a dollar out of $.50?

Well, at least they are not begging. These are legitimate fundraisers which if nothing else, will teach our children about the grind. There is nothing more distasteful to me (with regard to fundraisers) than to see children on corners with buckets begging for money. Wash my car, sell me a Snickers or something. Begging sends the wrong message. Well, all of this fundraising sends a clear and resounding message of our misplaced priorities. Billions of dollars for war and $2.00 and a Snicker for education.

BTW, if you have any Box Tops for Education or Campbell's Soup labels, holler at your girl. No seriously. Oh and stop by the Chick Fil A in GA on Thursdays; send me your receipt. No, seriously.

Tupac & the Overrated Blender Magazine

2008-09-05T18:22:00.000-07:00

First, if you know me, you know I LOVE Tupac. He is the first, the last, the everything. Period. Blender, some okiedoke magazine, in a move to sell copies and get internet hits I'm sure, had the audacity to list Tupac as the most overrated rapper. Are you kidding me? Perhaps they have not truly listened to his music. Perhaps they are only familiar with the media's portrayal or the legend and not the man. Surely that is it. He was a poet, an activist for social and political justice, and a man facing the extreme challenge of public persecution.

If any rapper is overrated it is Jay Z from whom I've never heard an original rhyme. Everything he says Biggie or in the case of Bonnie & Clyde, Tupac said first. Nevertheless, I'm no hater. Even Jay Z deserves credit for massive cross over and pop appeal. Still, Tupac challenged thinking. He was one of the first celebrities to publicly and vehemently attack law enforcement for its unjust treatment of black males. He wrote and rhymed honestly about the tribulations of the black male without a father, the child of an addicted mother, the plight of the impoverished. This is the man who was the first rapper to command both film and the airwaves. Though I didn't particularly care for the movie, his portrayal of a psychopath in Juice has been critically acclaimed. He quotes Julius Caesar in his music. You mean to tell me a man of this intellect is overrated, particularly in a genre of bling this, bling that, Benz this, etc.

Clearly Blender is speaking of its own pitiful excuse for a publication when it says overrated. That garbage isn't fit to line the cages at one of Michael Vick's dog fights. Blender is just trying to create controversy to attract readers for its unread trash. Tupac asks on disc one of All Eyez on Me, "Does a bear s&^% in the woods and wipe its a&& with a fluffy white rabbit?" It is now obvious that the bear uses blender.

Grammar Lesson

2008-09-04T21:20:00.000-07:00

If I hear one more imbecile use myself incorrectly I'll lose it. So many idiots really believe that they demonstrating their intelligence when they use the word myself as a subjective pronoun. The rule is simple. If the word myself is not used to intensify a properly used noun or pronoun, or to reflect one, it is being used incorrectly. Let me simplify this. You, hopefully, wouldn't say, "Myself walked to the store". Therefore, it is equally inappropriate to say, "Sam and myself walked to the store." Yet, seemingly intelligent people say this everyday. I've corrected my manager and other managers several times when using this grammar faux pas. Nonetheless, these simpletons, many "Ivy League" educated lack the discernment to grasp this simple concept.

Unfortunately, this isn't the only egregious act committed against grammar. Many people seem to have difficulty with subject-verb agreement. If I read one more newspaper headline with the words "One in Five Men Are...", I'll scream. Again, this is simple. One is the subject; in five men is the prepositional phrase which is not to be considered with respect to verb choice. Here is another example. "The couple were...", this too is incorrect because any group (e.g. team, quartet, Congress) functions as a singular subject and therefore requires a singular verb. Although many scientific texts will use data in a similar fashion, I must disagree with those as well. Data, by definition, is a collective group of information; and because it is a group, should function as a singular subject.

I agree with my mother, this all goes back to education, particularly, the fact that sentence diagramming is no longer performed in grade school. Grammar is not taught in school. Literature is favored in hopes that children will acquire grammar knowledge by reading. It doesn't get more backwards than this folks. This is like teaching algebra to first graders before introducing the basic concepts of math. No wonder other nations outperform us.

John McCain

2008-09-04T20:46:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I referred to Mr. McCain as the Crypt Keeper. I owe him an apology. I had no right to insult the Crypt Keeper like that. The Crypt Keeper has more personality in its eye socket than McCain has in his entire body. That weird and uncomfortable laugh, stiff back and neck, those little arms, and that comb over (well, sorry Mr. Crypt Keeper, you all have that in common) just scream some dirty old out of touch man. I should have called him Uncle Fester or Herman Munster or some diminutive mutation of the two. He really looks like he has been resuscitated before each speech via a defibrillator. His awkwardness reminds me of Robert Deniro in Awakenings. Essentially I am saying that he epitomizes the creepy uncle who seems otherwise comatose except for those occasional outbursts of excitement.

Well, I really tried to watch him tonight and just couldn't do it. He bored me to tears. His speech must have been written by a third grader. It was full of awkward pauses and even more uncomfortable smiles and the characteristic stiffness. Was there no chiropractor available or doctor with a cortisone injection? Dude is just too old to eat solid food much less run a country. Seriously though, this isn't just about his age. This is about his nearsightedness and lack of a social conscience. He called "education the new civil right's movement", yet, he follows this remark with more rhetoric and allusions to vouchers and school choice. What about fixing the fundamental problems of the schools and raising standards. His "solution" would only worsen the current problems and widen the gap between the haves and the have nots.

This is the dilemma I always encounter--all of these extremes. I am certainly not liberal. They believe in too much leniency, too many excuses, no accountability. Too many religious whack jobs cling to the conservative base and have perverted it into their judgmental caravan, but at least they stand for somethings usually unequivocally.

Either way, politicians by and large are egotistical power hungry narcissists. I'm still looking for Citizen Change.

Sarah Palin

2008-09-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

What can I say? I love her. McCain looks like the Crypt Keeper and I'm really not feeling him. He seems so insincere. However, Palin is so refreshing. It is so pleasing to have a strong woman support the lives of babies. This is such an important issue for me, perhaps the most important. The media's infatuation with her teenage daughter's pregnancy is so tasteless. I concur with Obama that this is a family matter. Moreover, this is demonstrative of a young woman assuming responsibility for her actions. A colleague of mine even said it was horrible for her mother to "force marriage" upon her. What? Who says this marriage is forced? So what if it is? What makes it her business or my business for that matter? Further, why is it that so many people assume young marriages fail? I've been married since I was 22 and we have outlasted many people who were married at older ages. My husband is the product of a teenage pregnancy and guess what, his parents married and are still married to this day. My husband is in his 30s! My best friend's parents married at 19 and guess what, they are still married. So naysayers, guess what, sometimes good things do come out of "challenging situations" to borrow the words of Mrs. Palin.
I also admire Palin's courage and integrity in caring for her youngest son who has down syndrome. So many cowards would have killed this child for lacking their idea of perfection. I really find it quite disturbing and less than intelligent for people to stick strictly to party lines without implementing intuitive faculty to discern real issues. The real issue here is this woman has a real family with real challenges. They have addressed these with dignity and without the hypocrisy of so many others who say they support values and yet sneak to commit immoral acts in times of challenge. So to Mrs. Palin, I say congratulations, you have revived this dead campaign. You are not saying what you think other's want to hear or trying to appease everyone. Do your thing girl.

I received this quote from Ralph Waldo Emerson, one of my favorites, and it seems fitting here.

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Beauty is everywhere, all around an in each one of us. Yet where do we put our attention? On what we have decided is “wrong?” On what we think needs to be “fixed?” There is beauty in these things, too – if we would only look for it. There is a lesson, a gift, a treasure to be found in every situation and circumstance. We can acknowledge it or turn away from it – but it is there nonetheless. -Lissa Coffey

My Family

2008-08-28T20:04:00.000-07:00

There is no shortage of quotes on cherishing family. I just hope they do not fall upon deaf ears. It is common for people to dream of perfection when it comes to their future families. Usually that perfection includes a place for everything and everyone and everything and everyone a place. I sit and I look around my home with the children's artwork everywhere, my husband sprawled across the love seat, and the natives, well restless as usual, and I know that I have perfection. How many people get a genuine laugh everyday courtesy of a five and six years old? Everyday, I hear I love you as sincere as can be. It is easier than I would like to admit, to take for granted each of these little moments--my daughter's musings about her latest robot sketches, my son's intensity about race cars. So many shallow minded adults think of these moments as nuisances. The could not be more wrong. The innocence and excitement of children are characteristics to which we should all aspire. I wish I could be so lucky to approach each day with such curiosity and adoration for what is new. Yet, I am so fortunate to experience it through the eyes of my children.

So, I take this moment, to go on record to the world with my gratitude to my children for honoring me with a front seat on their remarkable journey. I just hope that I never impede their joy or their dreams. I hope that I am always supportive of all the good that they will do. As they sleep now, I hope visions of sugar plums are dancing in their heads.

Memphis in 20/20

2008-08-22T20:28:00.000-07:00

I'm not certain whether I am more ashamed or shocked to be from Memphis right now. ABC News' 20/20 just featured a story on the astronomical infant death rate in Memphis, a infant mortality rate that rivals developing nations. Am I surprised? Certainly not. I am saddened, however. I've long told people about the troubles in Memphis. Sadly, many of those to whom I've spoken live there. Many of my white acquaintances are deeply ignorant of the perils that exist 20 miles from their pristine neighborhoods in Germantown and Collierville. When I would tell them that Memphis is the most polarized city I've ever seen, I am met with shock and awe. "Surely, you must be mistaken", they say. It is laughable really. Deep in their psyche, they are well aware of the poverty and despair, but because the issues that come with poverty do not reach their homes, they do not care. As the feature divulged, Memphis' crime rate is second only to Detroit. However, the wealthy suburb of Germantown has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. Further, DeSoto County, MS, also a major suburb to Memphis has an extremely low crime rate as well. A murder in Olive Branch, MS, which is located in DeSoto County, is the thud heard around the world.

I am quite perturbed that the feature did not discuss breastfeeding as a means of reducing infant mortality. That simple act alone would reduce infant mortality significantly according to WHO. Nonetheless, much of the problem in Memphis begins far before birth, even before pregnancy. Health literacy in Memphis and many other southern cities is nearly non-existent. The young woman, Precious, who is the primary figure of the feature, is a prime example. It seems that the powers that be like Memphis this way. They sorry excuse for a mayor, Willie Herenton, didn't even dignify the story with a letter or his cratered face. His representative, Sara Lewis, did all to shift responsibility from city government in addressing this issue. This is an utter embarrassment. This is nothing new. At my junior high school, an optional school I should add (i.e. one with programs for exceptional students), there were several young ladies who had given birth or had abortions before the ninth grade. Of the 12 girls with whom I used to hang, five were mothers by the tenth grade. Only one of them had a father in the household. That is certainly part of the problem. Much of it stems from a greater social problem which is perpetuated by government and citizens. Blacks are just as culpable as whites in this situation. Many well to do blacks abandoned the inner city and never looked back, this is especially common among those who attended the inner city schools and benefited greatly from those experiences. Nonetheless, as they prospered, they somehow developed the concept that their children were too good to sit in a classroom with someone who is poor or worse, poor and black. Ultimately, however, each parent is responsible for his/her own child/children.

There is one other entity, nevertheless, which should bear the brunt of criticism in Memphis--the black church. There literally is a church on every corner in Memphis. Memphis is home to the freakish COGIC (Church of God in Christ). I was proud, as I was reared in the Presbyterian tradition, to see Hope Presbyterian take a stand in addressing the infant mortality rate. I have attended this church and it is indeed a church in the truest regard. The black churches in Memphis should be brought up on charges of grand larceny. Where was Bountiful Blessings? The former pastor's widow receives $27,000/month from the congregation, yet, they do nothing to address the infant mortality rate for their very members. Greater Imani, New Direction, World Overcomers, Mississippi Blvd, New Salem---these are all large churches receiving exorbitant "tithes" and yet do very little if anything to really address these major issues. Hope is not the only white church which has established a base in impoverished communities. There is another white church in Memphis, Christ United Methodist, which has encouraged its members to purchase and move into houses in the Binghampton community as a means of bringing and sustaining change. Where are you black church? Too busy taking collections so your pastors can drive big body Benz's and have ghetto fabulous weddings with 20 bridesmaids dressed in leather (Google that fiasco if you haven't seen the pictures). Why black people still go to church, particularly these, behooves me. Do you really think these places will save your souls when they won't even try to save the lives of your infants?

There are some who do good there. Dr. Melrose Blackett is an OB/GYN who works diligently with black women in Memphis, providing prenatal care and weight management classes to improve underlying health issues. I'm sure there are many others.

I'm going to Hope when I next visit Memphis and placing money in their collection plate. That is my contribution, though minor, to this problem. Until then, I'll be mobilizing the citizens who remain there to demand change and continuing my promotion of breastfeeding.

Pushing the Envelope

2008-08-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

If you know me, you know I'm no stranger to bucking the system. I admittedly have a problem with authority. My problem is not with all authority; my problem is with irrational authority. I also have a problem with those who voice their disdain for authority with figures and groups unable to bring about change. At work, at school, with government--it never fails to be some stupid or simply outdated rule or procedure that people follow simply to avoid confrontation. In the meantime, they are all stressed and spend excessive time complaining instead of working towards change.

Well, that just isn't my nature, but this time, I might have taken it too far. I believe strongly in principle and integrity. Too often the status quo continues because of fear and a lack of principle and integrity. Many knew that slavery was wrong, but looked the other way and did nothing. I have more contempt for these people than slave owners. I have more respect for anyone when they have a position. At least I know where they stand.

I've been engaged in a battle of principle with one of my professors. He did not provide his grading policy on the syllabus and provided an ambiguous guidline for minimum standards. After speaking with him and asking for policy specifics, he either could not or would not provide them. I even followed our conversation with an email to which I have yet to receive a response. Thus, I contacted appropriate personnel at the university in an attempt to find resolution or at the very least a mediator. They have demonstrated a great deal of ineptitude as well. The university informed me that the grading policy is the sole discretion of each instructor and providing a numerical explanation is not required. Needless to say, this is an incident which necessitated pushing the envelope of "acceptable limits". I found this response to be at the very least distasteful and outright unacceptable and I said such to the academic chair. Have I gone too far? Have I risked my grade in this class or worse my reputation in the program? Possibly, but I stand firm on principle and simply doing the right thing. With regard to this situation, my professor owes me the common courtesy of responding to my email. The academic chair agreed with this. Furthermore, I am owed an explanation of any and everything affecting my degree and ultimately my professional endeavors. However, I am not supported on this half of my issue. Nonetheless, I shall continue to push the envelope, buck the system, or whatever you would like to call it. I call it character and thank the Creator I have the gumption to speak my mind while others wallow in frustration and complacency.

Friendship vs Honesty?

2008-08-07T16:02:00.000-07:00

How honest are we with our friends? Do we always exercise honesty or do we lie to our friends? Do we lie through omission or just outright? I have several close friends and I like to think that I am honest with each of them. I like to think that my behavior is consistent. This blog topic came to mind during a conversation with a friend. It involves a friend of this friend so please try to keep up. My friend Lisa* has a friend named Emily* who is separated from her husband and in the process of divorcing him. Emily and her husband have two children. Emily has a new boyfriend with whom she spends 90% of her time. She will drop her children off with friends and family to spend time with him even missing their open houses to do so. The boyfriend does not make himself as available to her. Last night, she didn't hear from him at all, though she waited by the phone. Then out of the blue he calls her today (a night when she has her children) as though nothing was wrong and asks her to spend the night with him. So, Emily calls Lisa to ask if she should spend time with her boyfriend along with the children instead of quality time with just the children. Lisa, sharing all of this with me, says that she didn't want to seem judgmental to Emily and declined to tell her that her children should be her priority. Lisa only told her to not spend time with the boyfriend so that "he can see how it feels to be ignored for a day." WTF!!! Now, Lisa tells me that she really wants to tell Emily that she should be more devoted to her children especially since she has only been separated from their father for two months.

So why didn't she? Are we compelled to be more concerned with our friends feelings than telling them the truth? Is that true friendship? As a friend to Lisa (I've never met Emily), I told her that she should have told her the truth, that she is a mother and her children should come first, particularly in a time during which their parents are in divorce proceedings. Yet, Lisa feels strongly that she would be overstepping her bounds by doing so. I couldn't disagree more especially since Emily solicited the advice. All of this has forced me to examine my truthfulness with my friends. Have I ever been less than forthcoming to spare someone's feelings? I'd certainly be disappointed if this were true. So, let's see. (*names changed as story contains identifiable details involving children & a pending legal case.)

One friend, with whom I am consistently honest, is Nikki. We are always honest with each other, but then, neither of us wears our feelings on our shoulders. I think I'm honest with my friend Jocelyn as well, though perhaps not as timely as I should have been in certain situations. I'm certainly honest with Cam & Damita--probably even hurt Cam's feelings before, but that was not my intention. I'm honest with Torri and Keisha too and all of my friendships are the better for it...aren't they? Or are there things that my friends don't say to me? Based on my experiences that is likely, except with Nikki who is just straight no chaser. Now that I think about it, there are things that have gone unsaid, because saying them is not necessary and the advice unsolicited. Ultimately, however, you can rest assured that if you are my friend, you know where I stand, and it is on truth. If our friendship is unable to sustain it, then are we really friends in the first place?

I Have Converted...

2008-07-30T21:06:00.000-07:00

to anti corporal punishment in our home. Truth be told, I came to this conclusion some time ago after reading an article in Parenting Magazine which highlights a study conducted as to which characteristics are most common among parents who spank. They were (and I do not recall the order): being baptist, being black, being southern, and being of a lower socio-economic status. Well, I'm certainly a southern girl. My race is debatable (because race does not biologically exist nor is my hue actually black though I'll use it from time to time to keep it simple--a topic for another post). I'm certainly not baptist (don't subscribe to religion at all, again another time another post). I'm not of a lower socio-economic status, at least I didn't think I was before the dollar started losing value. Perhaps I'll win my petition to be paid in Euros at work, but I digress.

I've never been an avid spanker. I would tap the children's hands when they placed themselves in precarious situations. My mother never spanked me; though my grandmother got me twice. So I'm one of apparently the few people of color who has no perception of extension cords, switches, etc. I'd say I'm the better for it. So anyway, I'm reading this article and suddenly a light comes on and it clicks...the connection between whipping/spanking and slavery. Then I start conjecturing all of these hypotheses that blacks (just an easier term for laymen) remain inferior because of their clinging to rituals of slavery. Moreover, that we hold our children as slaves and reduce their free thinking, positive risk taking, and courage by replacing it with fear. To allude to Dubois, a black man will carve a back door in a dwelling if none exists for he knows it is his place to remain in an inferior position. So, I believe that whippings in many ways perpetuate this.

Now, it is one thing to conceptualize an idea or belief; it is a mutually exclusive endeavor to practice, truly, one's beliefs (just think about how superstitious blacks are, yet they claim to believe in Xianity). So now I arrive at that point of truly merging my belief with my practice. I refrained from all spanking a year and a half ago, opting to use the corner. My husband has not adopted my perception and does not practice it. Though spanking is a last resort. Well, the other day, one of the children arrived at that resort and I was in the kitchen--within eye and earshot of the punishment. It really hurt me to my core. For the first time, I was able to completely conceptualize and internalize my belief. It had come full circle. I only saw fear resonate from within my child and a willingness to acquiesce simply to arrive at peace. I saw Kunta as his new name was beaten into his facade, never into his soul. However, how is the typical child able to withstand the penetration of fear into the soul? How is the average child able to inhibit fear from passing the surface with the thought of continuing to persevere without fear? I don't think the goal of punishment, at least for me, is submission. It is to impart self control, wisdom, and intellect. It is to challenge my children to display their fervor through productive outlets creatively instead of destructively. Thus, I pledge to do as my mother has with me. I plan to guide our children in the more appropriate direction while respecting their individuality and more importantly their spirts. I don't ever want to be responsible for inadvertently perpetuating fear and intimidation. I want fearless zealots. So, I pledge to my progenies to continue seeking alternatives to corporal punishment. More specifically, I pledge to implement cerebral enhancements.

The N word

2008-07-17T16:39:00.000-07:00

I have so tired of this debate. It seems to never end. This happens to be one of those topics on which my husband and I disagree. I'm sure you all are aware of the perpetually unfolding Jesse Jackson debacle. It has led to more conversations on the morning show circuit regarding the infamous N word. None seems to have been as heated as The View's conversation in which one of the hostesses breaks into tears.

First, whatever happened to "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"? My mother always says you can't control what people think or say about you so why waste the energy. I couldn't agree more. I couldn't care less who says the N word white, black, Chinese, or Sudanese. It is a word. I could care less about its inherent meaning, its history, or its intracultural meaning. Again, it is a word. If a white person says it to me in an endearing or deragatory manner, it doesn't matter. I'm sure people have called me far worse names and guess what, my heart hasn't skipped a beat, I haven't lost one wink of sleep and I'll continue this way until I die of something which is actually deadly.

As I said earlier, my husband disagrees. He, as does apparently Whoopi, believes that it is acceptable or rather appropriate for blacks to use this word among themselves. Hmm, I wonder if he and his cohorts feel the same if a Latin American uses it, but I digress. I strongly believe that it is irresponsible to make attempts to have it both ways. Either it's a bad word or it isn't. I wasn't taught that the F word is a good word when adults use it. It is and always has been a bad word. Why can't blacks accept accountability for using a bad word or release it as a newly ordained good word?

This is no different than the Imus alleged outrage. Each and every one of you knows that you have called someone a nappy headed garden tool. Heck, many of you called the Rutger's female basketball team that before, during, and after the alleged insult. You are still using that term or a similar one to refer to people now. How can you have a problem with one person saying it and not another? That speaks to some serious integrity issues.

It is what it is. Or perhaps Bill Clinton said it best, "It depends on what the word is is."

Hair & Money

2008-07-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

I've had this conversation with my girlfriends before. I am unable to grasp why women, particularly women with money and power seem to care not for the appearance of their hair (Oprah excluded). This is not exclusive to the wealthy. There are several women that I know rather well who leave their homes looking like who did it and why. Trifling is the word commonly used in social circles of color. I am refraining from being more specific as I truly value these relationships and I've learned that women wear their feelings on their hair.

A fellow co-worker lives near me and is also a client of my hair care professional. We were discussing what cut backs we were making in our lives due to higher prices for goods and services. More specifically, we were having this conversation because we live about 35 miles from the salon. We both agreed (because we faithfully visit the shop every 1-2 weeks) that our hair appointments would be the last to go. I've considered cutting back on meals because my hair care is a necessity not a luxury.

What I'm unable to fathom is why most if not all women do not feel this way. There are some women with whom I'm very close, who couldn't care less about their hair. Getting it done only for touch-ups is the norm. WTF!! Are you kidding me? Then they wonder why it looks a mess, proclaiming we have different kinds of hair. Sloppy pony tails, three inches of split ends, and all sorts of damage on the heads of women driving Mercedes and carrying $800 purses. Like my mother says, "Bad hair can ruin the baddest outfit." I couldn't agree more. Please help me understand. I also have another conundrum involving this bad hair affair. Why are women more loyal to length than healthy hair? Everyday I see women with six or seven strands of hair down their back while the rest is "ate out" in the words of my stylist. Why? Why? These women are never admired except by other women with the same "ate out" look. I am much more complimentary of a cute pixie cut or tight bob than some ragged mop. Yet women can't seem to break the hair affair.

Let's take Condoleezza Rice for example. Granted, she has improved since first emerging on the political scene, but homegirl is still rocking what appears to be a press and curl. Seriously, we learned a decade ago that grease is not necessary to straighten nappy roots. Is she still going to her childhood stylist? There is also Gayle King who is clearly wigging or weaving out. I love good wigs and give props to any woman rocking a tight weave, but Gayle's is just heavy and artificial looking. Is not the point to look authentic?

Also, why do women rock the same style for decades? You know who you are. As the rule says, if you haven't been complimented on your hair in the last six months; it is time for a change. I have an idea of the root of one of these problems. There are those of you out there who compliment all women with long hair even when it looks a hot mess. It could be split root to tip, fried, dyed, and laid to the side, but as long as it has length, you'd compliment. Please stop now. These women look haggardly. Perhaps it goes back to that old adage, "misery loves company". Well at least my girls: TL, VM, JD, CR, and VA are right by the head. I wouldn't hang with them if it were any other way.

Bert & Ernie

2008-07-15T17:42:00.000-07:00

Okay, my husband's favorite Sesame Street characters as a child were Bert & Ernie. The suggestions that the two were an item have become fervent pop culture rumors. Well, my husband has recently acquired a rather annoying habit of watching Family Guy reruns. The lacking television summer line up has apparently taken its hold--that combined with his injured foot (at least this is his excuse for suspending our jogging regimine). So the other day, Family Guy featured a Bert & Ernie sketch that my husband DVR'd (is that a word?) because he just had to share it with me. In the sketch, Bert & Ernie are sharing one bed, naked, and Bert gets out of the bed and Ernie says "Bert, you told me you were going to stop drinking." My husband rolls on the floor in laughter. Apparently, I'm missing something. It just wasn't funny to me. I never gave much thought to Bert or Ernie's sexual orientation or any other of Jim Henson's characters.

My husband has a penchant for primetime cartoons (The Simpsons & King of the Hill) and perhaps it was nostalgic to see the union of a childhood favorite with a newer one. At any rate, no real rhyme or reason to this post other than to solicit opinions about Bert & Ernie because I just didn't get it. Oscar the Grouch was my favorite Sesame Street character so I imagine I would get it if it were Oscar.

Calling Names

2008-07-08T15:18:00.000-07:00

Believe me when I tell you, I am in staunch opposition to any and everyone who chooses to burden their child with what I call a ghetto name. Perhaps the PC terminology for such a name would be a socio-economically identifiable name. Please do not misunderstand or misconstrue my point. I am completely in favor of individuality and uniqueness. Further, I am a proponent of ethnic and culturally distinct names, that is when they truly have meaning and some connection with cultural ancestry and ancestry does not include the tendencies of the last thirty years to go straight “hood” when selecting a name for your offspring. This has long been my opinion, in strong opposition to my husband who has long told me that I am just supercilious. Of course I denied such hurtful and unjustifiable allegations until recently. Last month, I had an epiphany. I was in the company of some women who have very urban tendencies in dress, speech, hair styles, and behavior. I have long argued with my husband that these people must know that they look and are perceived in a certain light which to much of America is considered ghetto. Of course, he always countered with this is all that they know and that to them there is nothing wrong with their behavior or style. For years I ignored his rants until last month when I was alone with some of these people and for whatever reason unarmored with my TRUTH and social responsibility. As I sat and listened, more observant than judgmental, I witnessed the phenomenon of unabashed ignorance in play. There was one little girl the same age as my daughter and the ladies complimented her mother’s hair styling technique, which in my eyes and my conditioning was excessively adorned with various colors of barrettes none of which matched her red and white clothing. I was shocked, appalled, and ashamed. I was ashamed of my own ignorance. In my mind I questioned them first. Why had they not complimented on my daughter’s hair? After all, she had only one color of barrettes which matched the hair balls and her clothing and the maximum four pony tails. My first thought, jealousy; and truth be told, I still feel that there was indeed a tinge of that present. Then, I began to question myself. Could I have been wrong all of these years? Had these people not seen Clair Huxtable? Moreover, had they not encountered women like her or the children like Rudy and Olivia from the Cosby show? Then it struck me; they hadn’t. They watch the “Parkers” and shows like them which I detest. They just didn’t know any better and neither did I of their world. So now you ask, what does this have to do with the socio-economically identifying names that you mentioned at the beginning of your op-ed? Further, what names are these and what makes them socio-economically identifiable? Well, this was the moment of clarity for me that lead me to a deeper understanding of what motivates people of lower socio-economic backgrounds to engage in such behavior. I believe that this phenomenon is for the most part exclusive to those of lower socio-economic status, hence, I use the term socio-economically identifiable because most of the Keishas, Tanishas, LaQuindrinicas, DeMarios, LaQuandres, and the like are from poorer backgrounds.

Even so, it is time for me to cease the name calling and start listening. There is a great deal of power in naming and name calling. When you bring a child into this world the moment is both humbling and empowering. What you do at that moment gives direction for the rest of your child’s life. Not very long ago, our ancestors were stripped of our own names, history, culture, and the right of naming our progenies. So I asked myself, “is this the backlash?” Are we rebelling sub-consciously and irrationally? My background in consumer psychology screams yes. Further, I see correlation in other behaviors of the socio-economically deprived, such as in the clothing and hair styling. The under-privileged are destitute of money, status, and power. However, there is that single moment, that creativity inspiring event of bestowing a name upon your offspring that ignites something within the poor that unfortunately threatens to relegate your child to a life time of struggle and deprivation. These are the names with hyphenation, accent marks, and case combinations. They are often extremely multi-syllabic and puzzling to even the most seasoned educators. Now, I am not speaking of the Samirahs, the Jabrils, Jamals, or the Kelanis. This is about the Quantinnettes, Shunnekitas, Quindrinicus, and LaQuans. I know that some of you reading this are just like my husband and you believe that I am arrogant or like some say about Bill Cosby’s opinions on the same topic, out of touch. Perhaps, but I also confront such attacks with the same notion that these parents too, are out of touch and even arrogantly ghetto fabulous. Recent studies have shown that regardless of education and qualifications, resumes with these names are often tossed aside in favor of Jennifer, Kelly, Jason, or Brandon. Is it right? Of course not. Is it legal? Well, it is definitely discriminatory, but the burden of proving discrimination like the burden of those names is tremendous.

I believe in the freedom of speech and privacy. However, I challenge these parents to think long and hard of the ramifications of these names on not only their child’s school years, but their professions, lives, and the well being of their children’s offspring. I have acquaintances and best friends with these names. Each of them has on numerous occasions encountered various struggles and unintentional name calling. Nonetheless, they persevere. I applaud them, for I am busy fighting the other battles of being a black female in America. We, gave our daughter a Hawaiian name, but with only two syllables and gave our son a European inspired name, but with an atypical spelling. So, I obviously believe in creativity and freedom, but with forethought when it comes to names. I have suggested a hospital board comprised of teachers, who after all will have the awesome task of pronouncing these names daily when these children enter school, This board would accept and reject name submissions of new parents. I propose that the names must be accepted before approving the birth certificate. I know the ACLU would come gunning for me, but this is my idea. Again, my husband says, I just don’t get it. Nonetheless, I have learned something about the prevalence of ignorance within our culture and more importantly, within me. So, I argue that this may be a result of the powerless, rebelling against the power structure or more simply stated, a struggle for identity, worth, and recognition. Naming is a privilege and an honor, not simply a right.

2008 The Year of the Black Man?

2008-06-27T18:46:00.000-07:00

Of course I must begin this piece with the black man of 2008, Barack Obama. Seriously, who'da thunk? I certainly did not expect him to make it this far. I was a classic pessimist, perpetuating the hum-drum thoughts common in social circles of color, "I shall not see a black president in my lifetime." Now, however, it seems plausible, even palpable, I can almost smell it and it smells like sweat. Not just any sweat, not funky locker room sweat, but the malodorous smell of a long and hard fought race. This is not just any race, this is a race that is not even matched by the endurance of our Kenyan brothers in marathons. It supercedes triathletes. This is a race that began on the banks of the Nile millenia ago and has culminated into the events that are unfolding today. From the pinnacle of civilization to the bowels of despair, black men have endured. This is a race only for the fittest. So I ask again, "Is this the year of the black man?" Is he returning to his throne?

Because of my interests in history and politics, I shouldn't be surprised at the possibility or the prospect. The short lived triumphs of Hiram Revels & BS Pinchback suggest greater potential. Further, they demonstrate the potency of hope and slaying of cynicism. Perhaps this is the answer to Hughes' haunting question, "What happens to a dream deferred?" I propose that each of his answers is correct. The dream of the black man has dried like a raisin, festered like a sore, stunk, crusted over, sagged, and exploded. See, it is not a simple dream. It is not a fixed goal. It is a dynamic paradox. It is giving visibility to Ralph Ellison's Invisible Man. It is giving him flesh and bone, nerves and tendons, intuitive faculty, compassion, a soul. Yet, it is a step towards the invisibility of color.

I am certainly not an Obama presidential candidate supporter, and even less of a liberal. Yet, in a perplexing, but nonetheless magnetic attraction, I support what his journey--rocky and winding--symbolizes for our black boys. It is a road covered by brush, littered with violence, fogged by litanies of self-mutilations by so-called artists of music, and washed away by feminism's assault on the family. It is the nation, collectively saying, we acknowledge your sacrifice, your committment, and our debt--your forty acres and a mule. At least, this is what it could be.

Now I propose that this may be the year of the black man not only because of Mr. Obama. I submit this proposal for The Big Three (i.e. Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce, & Ray Allen) of the Boston Celtics, for winning a championship in and for a town with a long history of discrimination. I submit this proposal on behalf of Nelson Mandela, whom today celebrates his 90th birthday. I submit this proposal for Kofi Anan, former UN Chief, who despite purported corruption, maintains dignity in the fight for universal justice. I submit this proposal for Will Smith, who is arguably the most likeable and profitable actor in the world, and despite what some may think, for Clarence Thomas who represents autonomous thinking in a society that thinks that a black judge should put hue before objectivity.

And on a much more shameful note...I submit this in befuddlement and disappointment in R. Kelly's acquittal, which nonetheless begs the question, "Is 2008 the year of the black man...escaping justice?"

If this is indeed your year. Shine on black man, shine on.

Our Babies

2008-06-24T19:00:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, I read an article on CBS News featuring one of the most horrific cases of child abuse about which I've ever read or heard. It is nothing less than sickening. Now the torture that this child endured is certainly dispicable. It is disconcerting. It literally brought me to tears and then I was incensed. This child's mother tortured and allowed her girlfriend and a third woman to repeatedly inflict pain and humiliation upon this child. A baby, a baby, a baby. I know that this case is of particular significance to me because my son is the same age. All I could envision was some pitiful excuse for a woman doing this to him. How could she?

I became so enraged, not so much because of what she did, but how long she was allowed to do it after being investigated for abusing the same child in 2005. Moreover, this child had been placed in the care of his grandmother and others who saw blatant signs of abuse, and yet told no one. The headline places the blame upon the system, however, I place blame upon citizens and family. What has become of us? How do we live with ourselves when we turn a blind eye to an abused child. The outrage following the discovery of Michael Vick's dog fighting ring was ten times more intense. That is an outright embarrassment. This is devolutionary. How does a society demonstrate more compassion for canines, vicious killer pitbulls to be specific, than it does for its own species, more importantly, the most vulnerable of its species?

I'm not letting the "system" off the hook. It certainly has significant responsibility in allowing the torture to continue for three years after the initial investigation. You should be a person of integrity, character, endurance, and extreme compassion to work in social services. Your moral compass should be so intact, so ferocious, that you could not treat an abuse case like a simple job. Where was the follow up? Why has this mother not been charged with attempted murder? Why aren't all people convicted of child abuse eligible for the death penalty?

The real issue here is not so much this one case. There have been cases even more grotesque.
I'm not sure how many of you are familiar with the Precious Doe case. Again, the perpetrators in the crime were those given the duty by the Creator to love and protect a child. The mother's boyfriend murdered her and dumped the body in 2001. Although relatives encountered the mother and the boyfriend several times without the child after the murder, no one came forward. The body was discovered and artist renderings were featured on national broadcasts, and yet, it took years for someone to come forward. Why? Why? Why?

In the US, children are no longer valued. When you tell someone that you have children, especially more than one, you are looked at as though you have a contagious skin eating disease. People have launched websites and businesses against and/or prohibiting children. Do you not realize that you were once a child? Someone exhibited patience with you. Someone took time to guide you. Since when did it become cool to dislike children? The abuse, the light punishments for abusers--are all symptoms of a greater social and psychological problem.

One has to only look at the reaction to R Kelly verdict to see it in operation or perhaps the other case last week in which a father stomped and beat his two year old to death in the middle of an intersection. I share all of this to say that we must protect our children. We must embrace our babies for the gifts that they are. Each of us has a responsibility in this village to protect our children. For the woman who placed the anonymous call to DHS that led to the arrest of Starkeisha Brown, we thank you. You saw injustice and were compelled to act. Thank you.

If you feel compelled:

Trust Fund Information for the abused boy
Donations or contributions for this child may be sent in care of:
Michael Wrice/DCFSThe Department of Children and Family Services
501 Shatto Place Room 301
Los Angeles, CA 90020
Please make checks payable to: DCFS/Trust Fund

Random Acts of Rudeness

2008-06-19T21:22:00.000-07:00

Each day someone says something that exemplifies my grandmother's adage, "more nerve than sense". Though, I may not always display tact, I seldom fail to demonstrate good manners. I was reared to know that there are some things that you should not say. The best example of such a circumstance is that which my dear friend and partner in petiteness shared with me.

A coworker, with whom my friend had been working for over a year entered the work restroom at the same time as she. As my friend entered the stall, the coworker asked if her if she was a midget. Now if you know my friend, you can only imagine the expletives that spewed from her mouth. (One of my taller friends refers to this as a classic symptom of "Little Lady Disease".) I share this with you to ask, is this not rude? Is this not offensive? Further, is it also not offensive to state upon seeing someone, "You are short", ? Perhaps, rude is the wrong word, but stating the obvious certainly does not demonstrate astuteness or gentility.

Because I am petite and sweet, I get these comments often, usually at a second or third meeting when I am caught out of my requisite stilettos. I still fail to get the relevance. I can only attribute it to rudeness or perhaps projections of insecurities.

For those of you who can not resist the urge to inform me of my height, I must thank you. For were it not for you, I would continue shopping for tall clothing and then spending outrageous sums for hem alterations. Additionally, you have also given me the evidence needed by the DMV to have my height updated from 5'9". All of this due to a few deft, albeit, rude observers. The random acts of rudeness don't end there. There are always those exceptionally rude people who love to loudly announce the enormous acne cyst on your forehead. Yes, these are my favorite people. Thank you. I managed to put on mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, and blush without looking in the mirror today. Thus, I wouldn't have noticed it had I not encountered you.

Well, to counter these seemingly random acts of rudeness and restore balance to the world, I propose that we respond in kind. The next time you encounter one of these imbeciles, try this response. "Oh my, you're fat." Or perhaps, "You sure are ugly." "My your nose is large." There can't be double standards in rudeness. If calling attention to obvious traits is the best these people can muster, then I say, if you can't teach them [manners], insult them. Perhaps paying forward these random acts of rudeness will serve the world as much, if not more than random acts of kindness.

The Truth About Weddings

2008-06-18T18:37:00.000-07:00

I shared the fact that I abhor weddings with a friend and she was shocked. I was shocked that she was shocked. This doesn't shock most of my friends as they fundamentally agree at their cores. Most are just afraid to offend. One of my good friends married and I thanked her for not asking me to be in it. She said she knew not to ask because I declined a relative's invitation to be in her wedding just a couple of months prior. She [the relative] was perturbed with me for months. I love my family and friends dearly, but I really loathe weddings. They symbolize too many themes and notions of insecurities, selfishness, and materialism. Brides typically demonstrate little if any regard for the finances, time, or committments of others all under the proclamation of the trite adage "It's MY day."

As for my wedding, I didn't want one and were it not for my husband, wouldn't have had one. Nonetheless, as my first act of pre-marital compromise, I surrendered to an intimate ceremony which lasted an appropriate 15 minutes (and started on time). I plan to beg my daughter not to indulge in a wedding, but if she does, it will be one of two that I'll attend (my son's included). I find weddings, in their contemporary forms to be boring fests of self absorption, over indulgence, excess, and waste. Why not invest the money? Perhaps a down payment for a home? A charitable contribution? Something with enduring presence is all that I ask. If one must have a wedding, I really prefer small intimate settings. The most beautiful wedding I can recall was that of John F Kennedy Jr & Caroline Bessette. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small SC church illuminated by candles. There were not 30 bridesmaids and groomsmen, no long winded singers--all the things that scream ostentatious. It was about the union of man and woman. That is beautiful. It was perfection, especially in light of their celebrity status and wealth. They chose each other instead of catering to the now traditional parade of psuedo wherewithal for others.

Regardless of what brides may like to believe, no one wants to attend your wedding except you and perhaps your mother. Guests, like at funerals, will always find something wrong. Contemporary weddings only serve as gossip among professional and family cliques alike. Even worse, they now become viral videos, emails, and comedic features on late night talk shows. I'm not all talk either. I have declined invitations to several weddings with this honest explanation. Some took offense, others appreciated my sincerity.

Please don't misconstrue my message. I love to witness ceremonial committment. I do not like delusions of grandeur posing as love. In this world of excess, less is truly more.

Please take a peak, others share my pain.

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