What happens to people, particularly women when they marry? Why do they suddenly become old maids? Why do men suddenly become sports watching couch potatoes? This homeliness that sets in must be to what B.B. King is referring when he sings The Thrill Is Gone. Couples frequently reminisce about the times of fun and spontaneity they experienced before they exchanged the "I Do" shackles. Does the weight of a marriage license and all the responsibilities it entails preclude fun and enjoyment? I encounter so many couples who do absolutely nothing with friends that they did before they married. I've heard that this is the way it must be. It seems so silly to me. Why marry someone only to have them change into someone else?
My husband still hangs with his same crew--some members married, well most members unmarried, one married. They still do the same things--clubbing, football games, card games, and cook-outs. I still hang with my same crew--most divorced or contemplating it, one married, two single (not counting divorcees). We still kick it the same as before--clubbing, shopping, girls' night outs, etc. It is a release. It is a necessity. It keeps us sane. We didn't become different people because we said I do. We only became committed to each other, not committed to a life of boredom and insecurity. A colleague remarked once at how fortunate I am to have a husband who does not hound me about where I've been and with whom. "Fortunate", I thought?? Is this not the norm? Why are women with insecure men? At the end of the day, I'm a GAW (Grown Ass Woman) and he is a GAM (Grown Ass Man). We do not live with our parents, nor do they provide any financial security for us. Hence, we are not obligated to answer for our actions. What this gets down to is trust and respect. Why live with someone whom you are unable or unwilling to trust? Where is the peace in that? Without a peace of mind, there is nothing.
An acquaintance is in the midst of some drama with her husband who returned from a guy's weekend hurling accusations of lying and emotional indiscretions. Seriously, I have little tolerance of such crap. My husband and I have an understanding, a mutual trust. I'm not going to fore go fun because you don't trust me. Bounce. Be out. Don't holler back. I'm a GAW. Believe what you want to believe. I shall not dignify insanity with a response. I am not responsible for any one's insecurities or shortcomings. How 'bout that?
That's all I have to say about that.
3 comments:
u a good woman, but u need a dog lol and do stop by my shop one day braincell-a store 4 dogs, 572 edgewood suite 117 404 228 5497
We are going to come through. The natives want a dog too, but Mommy & Daddy aren't ready for the responsibility. We'll see.
This is a very interesting topic. I agree with you that trust is very essential to a healty marriage. However, I also think honest is equally important. In my experience I have seen both women and men put themselves in situations where questionable things can happen. Fortunate for you, you may not be one of those people. However, I feel if this situation every arises in my marriage I have ever right to ask a few questions. Spouses trying to be nice to others can step into drama they had no idea was there.......I also believe if you have been a trustworthy person for years, there is no need for accusations. I agree a person is GAW or GAM so no need to damage a relationship over unfounded issues.
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