I shared the fact that I abhor weddings with a friend and she was shocked. I was shocked that she was shocked. This doesn't shock most of my friends as they fundamentally agree at their cores. Most are just afraid to offend. One of my good friends married and I thanked her for not asking me to be in it. She said she knew not to ask because I declined a relative's invitation to be in her wedding just a couple of months prior. She [the relative] was perturbed with me for months. I love my family and friends dearly, but I really loathe weddings. They symbolize too many themes and notions of insecurities, selfishness, and materialism. Brides typically demonstrate little if any regard for the finances, time, or committments of others all under the proclamation of the trite adage "It's MY day."
As for my wedding, I didn't want one and were it not for my husband, wouldn't have had one. Nonetheless, as my first act of pre-marital compromise, I surrendered to an intimate ceremony which lasted an appropriate 15 minutes (and started on time). I plan to beg my daughter not to indulge in a wedding, but if she does, it will be one of two that I'll attend (my son's included). I find weddings, in their contemporary forms to be boring fests of self absorption, over indulgence, excess, and waste. Why not invest the money? Perhaps a down payment for a home? A charitable contribution? Something with enduring presence is all that I ask. If one must have a wedding, I really prefer small intimate settings. The most beautiful wedding I can recall was that of John F Kennedy Jr & Caroline Bessette. It was a beautiful ceremony in a small SC church illuminated by candles. There were not 30 bridesmaids and groomsmen, no long winded singers--all the things that scream ostentatious. It was about the union of man and woman. That is beautiful. It was perfection, especially in light of their celebrity status and wealth. They chose each other instead of catering to the now traditional parade of psuedo wherewithal for others.
Regardless of what brides may like to believe, no one wants to attend your wedding except you and perhaps your mother. Guests, like at funerals, will always find something wrong. Contemporary weddings only serve as gossip among professional and family cliques alike. Even worse, they now become viral videos, emails, and comedic features on late night talk shows. I'm not all talk either. I have declined invitations to several weddings with this honest explanation. Some took offense, others appreciated my sincerity.
Please don't misconstrue my message. I love to witness ceremonial committment. I do not like delusions of grandeur posing as love. In this world of excess, less is truly more.
Please take a peak, others share my pain.
wowowow.com
4 comments:
Although I like the occasional wedding, I don't want to have one either. I'm sure my mother has other plans. With me being her last to wed, it's going to be a big deal. I'm not saying that I would rather give a charitable contribution, unless you consider, Louie or Fendi charitable, but I can see other things that would mean more to me than that one day, or few hours when you pay for people to come see you, they eat, drink and be merry, and you're left there with a hefty price tag and 4 toasters.
When or if I do get married, and my mother makes me have a wedding, will you be one of my bridesmaids?
"Regardless of what brides may like to believe, no one wants to attend your wedding except you and perhaps your mother."
I disagree, but I love weddings! I went to a wedding in ATL in March of a dear college friend. I witnessed the growth of his relationship with his girlfriend turn fiance and finally turn wife. Their wedding was a large display of love - just like I like it - and it was beautiful.
Now, the weddings that start an hour late, have more people in the bridal party than in the audience and are just ghetto, give weddings a bad name.
But weddings in general give the bride and groom a chance to publicly show their love for one another and give friends and family a chance to celebrate the couple. Weddings are an event I always look forward to.
I love weddings. It is a time for family and friends from near and far to come together for a good reason. Unlike a funeral!!! I do think it is a waste when couples have a huge wedding just to get divorced 3 years later. On the occassions when they are done right it is one of the most beautiful and sentimental experiences a couple goes through. I understand why you do not like weddings, however I have a question for you.
How do you feel about couples that gets married through a civil service (no glamour, just a country judge) then many years later have a wedding/renewal of vows? If they really love each other would you go then????
I think civil services are wonderful. They serve the purpose. You aren't married to the third power because you spent more money. The marriage license looks the same regardless. I much prefer family reunions or Thanksgiving for fellowship. People are more relaxed and festive. They aren't ridiculing every flower, every dress, etc, like they do at weddings. Again, I like intimate weddings. 50 people tops. When people have more than that it is just for show. No one is that close to that many people. You should share your committment with those who will be instrumental in supporting it, not the girl you sat next to in freshman chemistry who had a big wedding you attended last year or is having a big one this year just to show her up. That is why so many people do it. So they can say look at me b/c they are otherwise empty.
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